Is it too much to hope for a job that doesn't make me wish I was in traction with a broken leg?

I need a job. I know I won't be able to do what I really love because what I'd be doing is painting and sculpting and creating things. However, I don't think I'd ever make enough money to even pay the electric bill. It would be nice to have a job that allowed for even some creative freedom, but so far I haven't interviewed for any of those. So, I want something I can tolerate. It doesn't have to be perfect, but I do have some requirements:

1. I don't want to have barbeque sauce smeared all over my shirt and be cursed at for being out of onion rings and ribs.
2. I don't want to catch pink eye and a cold every other week from being with 200 kids a day (that's the job that made me wish for an injury).
3. I don't want to be required do my boss's kid's homework for her (apparently the job I was doing was less important than a high schooler's homework).
4. I don't want to even contemplate carrying my jewelry in my mouth for fear of being mugged or even killed for it as I leave work(that's a whole other story)!

So, I've accepted that I will take another job that I will be tired of within a month and I will be thankful for it. I'll make the best of it and hopefully it will inspire some funny stories that I can act out when I see you all. I'll work with a whole new cast of characters that I can imitate and it will make me laugh to myself when I see my co-workers doing the things that I imitate when I'm at home. Finally, I will do my art on the side. Hopefully, I'll find a shop or market here that would be interested in selling some of my pieces. And I will continue being the Happy Jessica that I usually am. :)