Poop Stories & Pepsi Commercial

So, I heard from Kent that someone told him that it's just not right without a good poop story (you know who you are). I couldn't agree more! I miss ya!

Has anyone seen this pepsi commerical? I think it is Huh-huh-Huhlarious!

**So, by now, most of you have probably already read this post. I decided to remove the video, so that you wouldn't have to wait for it to load every time you viewed the page. If you have not see the commericial I highly recommend you do so HERE **

Closing in on a record

I am closing in on a personal record. I've never had a job for more than 10 months. It just hasn't worked out. I've been with my current company for what will soon be 9 months. Of course I have a reason why all of the other jobs didn't work out. I now take you on the timeline of unemployment:

Babysit two kids all summer - 5 days 1996- One kid chased me with a cow rib.






YMCA Camp Cullen - Summer 1998 - Job ended, that's it.




Jean Breaux & Associates - Sept. 1998 - May 1999 - I wanted a more fun job for the summer



Lafayette Health Club "Life Guard" - 2 days in May 1999 - Boring





BREC Camp - Counselor - 4 days in June 1999 - Kids drove me crazy



Toy Soldier - Sales - Never showed up for the first day


Talbot's - Sales - 2 Days in november 1999 or 2000 (I can't remember) Told me I didn't dress nice enough


I'm not sure, but I don't think I had another job until I got out of college.


Highland Baptist Christian School - "PE Teacher" August 2001 - May 2002 What was I thinking. I never even liked PE. It really takes a special person to teach and it's not me.

Corky's Barbeque - now that was awesome! Just kidding - 3 months sometime in 2002 Do I really need to give a reason for quitting?

The Hise Company - 10 months (the record) - moved


Current Company...we shall see...

Voodoo...

Who? Me?

Well, today was like any other day...work-lunch-work-home. There was one event that made this day unlike any other I've experienced. I'd gone to lunch as usual and was headed back to the office as usual. I pulled into our office driveway and saw the maintenance engineer getting into his truck. I wasn't going to get out to talk to him because it was raining and I'm allergic to water. However, he kept motioning like he needed to tell me something. So, I stuck my head over the top of my car to see what he wanted. He then asked me, "Did you bring your dog to the office recently?" I said that I had on Saturday for a little while. He then covered his face as if to say "Oh no..." (like the guy on SNL). I said, "Why did she have an accident?" He said, "Uh, yeah." So I asked him where, thinking it was in the back hallway, or the storage area, where we rarely go. "In the boss's office!" Oh great...now I'm in trouble. I rushed inside and much to my disappointment the boss was on the phone. I hurried to my computer and messaged him,  "Are you ready to be mad at me?" No response, so I typed "I brought my dog to the office on Saturday and I think she may have left a surprise in your office." I heard him get off the phone and start walking to my office, I turned as red as a tomato as I heard him turn the corner and I started in on the "I'm so sorries." I was shocked and emabarrassed. He said he'd already called the cleaning company thinking one of them had brought a dog into our office, but was relieved to know it was me. I of course, couldn't quit laughing and apologizing. He laughed it off too and said it was funny more than anything else. I told him I'd go clean it up and he said "no, I'll do it". There was no way I was letting him clean my dogs poop, and I went to clean it up. There they were...two little Coca turds, about the size of the long skinny tootsie rolls. I was totally embarrassed and proceded to explain to my boss how I can never be normal and that it's just fitting that I get a new boss and my dog poos on his office floor!! I told him I wouldn't bring her back any more, but he said he didn't care if I brought her to the office. It really was no problem. He just told me he may leave a surprise under my desk. I told him that would be really wierd since he doesn't have any animals... The thing is, that little turd factory ran into our building about 30 seconds ahead of me. I quickly went in and shut everyone's office doors except mine so she couldn't leave any surprises. She must've shot those out like missles as soon as she got in there. Thanks Coca...way to help your moms get on the boss's good side!

Honk Honk

Tonight Kent and I went to eat dinner at CiCi's Pizza. Those of you in Lafayette, this is actually a good CiCi's Pizza...Really Good! Anyway, their credit card machine was broken so you had to pay cash. Good for us, our bank was just two buildings down. So we decided to walk over there. However, the only ATM they have is a drive up ATM. There were already two cars in line so we went and stood behind them. Of course I was cracking up laughing. Then another car pulled up behind us. This was very, very funny to me. It was like that commercial where the lady pulls up at her kid's school pretending to be in a car and blows an air horn. All we needed was an air horn. I got a good laugh tonight.

I'm outta here!

Coca's cousin, Pixie. She doesn't like kittens.

My Cokes

Well, joy of all joys, Kent and I now have this thing called the internet at home. Very exciting. YIPPEE!

Coca, our pup, is getting bigger all the time. She looks even bigger today because she had a bath and is very fluffy! She recently got a great Summer outfit so I just had to share. So cute, and ready for the beach.




She's spent alot of time hunting wild pigs, as well. She's quite the hunter...


Anyway, that's all I have for now. I'll probably post more pictures now that we've joined the rest of the world in the 21st century.

Nite!

Banasas

Yes, that is what I meant to type...Banasas.

I'm so stressed.

I had a bad day about a week and a half ago. Really, the only thing going right was that I continued to breathe. It was that bad. To top it all off, Kent and I went to my Grandpa and Grandma's for dinner that night. As we were leaving we walked towards my car and Kent says, "Jessica, what happened to your car?" What happened? Not sure...But I do have a big dent in my passenger side front fender. It may have happened during one of the three times in the previous week that people suddenly decided to back-up while driving in front of me. One of them got really close and I layed on the horn, so I thought he missed me. Maybe he didn't. Sometimes I'm so oblivious when I'm driving. Not just when I'm driving I guess. If I have a lot on my mind I tend to space out when doing everyday tasks. I'm okay if I'm talking to someone though.

Anyway, two weeks from tomorrow I'm on VACATION!!!! WOO HOO! I can hardly wait!

Big Brother 6

Every Summer I watch Big Brother. Every Summer there is someone on Big Brother that I cannot stand! This year it's Eric. Ugh! He's awful. Everyone just follows him around like their great and powerful leader. I dislike him for many reasons. Here is a short list:

*He's way to "gung-ho" about everything.
*He's way too much into "teamwork."
*He likes to teach the group a lesson with his enlightening lectures on not making anyone feel bad for losing. (*gag*)
*He's all about loyalty.
*He says things like "NO ONE MESSES WITH MY FAMILY." It's not like someone went and poked your wife in the butt with a needle. Talking about your grandparents will not hurt them.
*He manipulates the house by showing them how "honorable" he is.
*He acts like the King of the house walking around displaying how much better he is than everyone else.
*He makes me want to vomit.

Mostly, he just takes the whole thing way too seriously and I hope he leaves the house soon. It makes me cringe to think that he could win.

Think I watch too much reality TV? Do I take it too seriously as a viewer to actually post about how much I dislike someone on the show? You're right. But, I don't really have anything better to do with no friends in New Orleans and Kent busy with school work.

Why do roaches get on people while they're sleeping?

As many of you may know, New Orleans has some huge roaches. They actually use bucking roaches in rodeos here rather than broncos. I've been thinking about our disgusting brown neighbors a lot lately due to all the rain we've been getting. It has made me recall two roach stories from people I know:

1. *Person* who shall remain nameless, was sleeping in her comfy, cozy bed. All of the sudden she woke up to something sharp poking her in the leg. When she lifted her covers it was a great big flying cocroach!

2. *Person* who shall also remain nameless, woke up to a huge roach on his hand and proceded to fling it across the room!

WHY DO ROACHES GET ON PEOPLE WHILE THEY'RE SLEEPING? Are they looking for crumbs? Do they watch us all day and think, "Just wait till you go to sleep. I'm going to get that little jelly smudge off of your cheek." Maybe they're just mocking us. They know they're hated so the crawl on us just to spite us. Neither of the above stories were about me, but I've been sleeping with tissues in my ears a lot lately, just to make sure nothing takes up residence.

Anyway, just wanted to share some grossness...

Windy Cindy

Well, last night was tropical storm Cindy. Tropical storm - no big deal, right? Yeah, that's what I thought. I found it very hard to sleep though when I heard wind that sounded like a train and random objects slamming up against the house during the night. Thank goodness we have strong walls, I guess. We made it through the night. The Crape Myrtle tree in front of our house right along the fence was struck by lightning and split in half.

Kent's work didn't have power when he got in and my work was an absolute nightmare! I used to like rain until I worked in property management. Why do commercial roofs and windows have such a tendancy to leak? Don't you think they'd be stronger than regular roofs? Water, water every where and all the carpet reeked! Water, water every where in the windows it seeped! We had ceilings falling in, carpet coming up, walls peeling off. Irate tenants, the works. Sometimes I just want to tell them "LEAVE ME ALONE! I AM TIRED!" But, then I wouldn't have a job.

What a day! Two things brightened my day though:
1. I got a way cute blazer at Old Navy for $6.97 and I wore it today. So, every time I saw myself in the mirror it made me happy. I love cheap stuff!
2. I won a free coke in my bottle cap. Mmmmm....coke.


Other than that....not a great day...neither was yesterday. Now, I have painful gas trapped in my stomack. Awesome.

BIG BROTHER STARTS TOMORROW! SO HAPPY, OH SO HAPPY I AM!

June 16th!!!! What??!!

I just realized I haven't posted since June 16th. So, I figured its time. Here's what's been going on:

Today people found my blog by searching for:
"sharks blog Destin"
"Jessica's Hiccups"
and "It's Bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S"

I found out Thursday that I'm being promoted at work. I'm being promoted to Assistant Property Manager. I'm pretty excited. Although, work gets harder every day. I don't know if I have a touch of a stomach virus or if it's just stress, but in addition to my usual gastroinstinal problem (I'll spare you all), I've been making a lot of trips to the potty (well my usual problem increases with stress too). I also have a new boss. With the promotion, I think Kent and I are finally going to break down and get the internet at home. Maybe...

Kent and I are going to Lafayette this weekend to see our new niece. We'll actually get to stay until Monday because of Independence Day. So, that'll be good.

Also, I have had a very gradual birthday. I've been celebrating with different people since Tuesday of last week and the celebration still hasn't ended. I wil still have birthday with my family when I go see them.

In August we will have been living in N.O. for a year. Time sure goes faster and faster. I guess that means that my life just gets better and better. I think it would drag by if I didn't enjoy it.

I saw my first giant New Orleans roach in the house today. It was the size of a three-year-old child and was reading the paper and smoking a cigarette. I was very, very, grossed out, but I mustered up enough courage to hit it with Kent's shoe and then spray it with foam cleaner.

If any of you have every ridden in my car you know it's a health hazard. Every crevis is filled with grossness and pennies are actually stuck by some sticky substance in the arm rests. I have a new "Stop Light Cleaning Program." I have tooth picks, paper towels, bleach spray and a trash bag in the car. Any time the car stops I get to cleaning. It already looks great.

Lately I've been making this sound with my throat because it makes Kent crack up laughing. He says I look like a maniac when I do it. I just like to do it because I get a laugh. Anything for a laugh right?

Finally, our sign vendor came in my office today and I said, "oh, my desk is a wreck. I haven't cleaned it off today." He told me not to worry because his is worse. Now, that must be bad, because my desk always looks like the copier vomitted on it. It made me feel a little better about my crazy desk knowing that someone else's desk was even worse than mine.

Goodnight.

So, I just had to share...

I noticed my counter had reached more than 3,000 visits, so I decided to look at some of my statistics. I thought this was pretty funny, someone found my blog by searching on yahoo for "blues clues is gay". I guess all because I had that post about dressing like blues clues! Funny...

To the tune of the ever-so-popular "Happy Birthday to You"

Happy Birthday to Kent

You mail in the rent

You do all the dish-ezzzzzz

Now make birthday wishes!

(I said NOW)

And many more...
Love yas!

Compelling Evidence

For those of you who don't know, my crazy Kenty's birthday is this Thursday. He'll be 29! Then 11 days later I'll be 26. I can't believe I'll be 26. I can still see my 16th birthday in live action color when I think about it. I don't really stress out about being older. You're only as old as you feel, right? Right. Since I will now be closer to 30 than to 20 (well, actually I've been closer to 30 for the last 6 months) I've decided to compile a list of evidences that I am actually not 26.

I am not 26 years old because...

• I'm scared of the dark
• I can eat just candy for dinner
• I will eat candy before I even roll out of bed in the morning
• I laugh the hardest at a good poot!
• I rent teen movies
• I call my mom "mommy"
• I can still sleep till noon
• My parents give us food when we leave their house
• I love to make prank phone calls
• I dance like a fool
• I don't brush my teeth every day
• I hate to bathe / shower
• I hate going to bed
• I get the giggles on a regular basis
• I fall down (actually onto the ground) like once a month
• I don't like to drink water (ack! I'm partially allergic, just ask Kent)
• I love "Full House"
• I'm not a "grown-up"

So, there you go.

In other news...

Work is crazy right now.

I had to cut all my nails because the kept breaking.

Kent got his hair cut really short.

Jello makes me gag.

Coca is sassy. She talks back to us.

Disclaimer: One of the above listed statments is not true.

The Big Idea: It's real and it's ready to rumble

My newest big idea is for a restaurant. Anyone want to be an investor? I think people would love it!

Other big ideas: (These are just the titles. Of course I can't describe them or they'll get taken. Not that I'll really ever do anything with them anyway)

• Toilet Tent
• Cell Phone / Radio (already done :( I'm too late)
• Baby Bud
• Movin' It

I've just gotta win that power ball to get these ideas in production! Although that's highly unlikely seeing as how I've only bought like one ticket in my life. Anyway, if you know any rich investors, send them my way. :-) I'll be glad to fill their heads with invention and business ideas.

Gamey

So, this Saturday Kent and I are auditioning for the WHEEEEL OOOOF FORTUNE! It will at least be fun to audition even if we don't make it. We have to go to the Wheelmobile at Harrah's.

Speaking of Wheel of Fortune...
Once when I was a kid we had a little family reunion in Columbia, LA, which is near monroe. I heard my aunt tell my mom that she saw Pat Robertson at the hotel. I remember thinking, "Cool! The guy from wheel of fortune!" Years later, when my brain had developed further, I realized that Pat Robertson is not the guy on "Wheel" that would be Pat Sajack.

BTW...Everyone read Kent's blog to hear something funny that happened this weekend!

Tid bits about me:
I have to wear mosquito repellant in the house...
At our old apartment I once killed 27 flies in one day. Then I freaked out...
I came home from work the other day to hear from Kent, "Jessica, I think your pants have a split in the back"...
Coke doesn't taste as good when you drop the can on your toe before you drink it...
A yellow jacket once chased me across the yard. I jumped in the pool. It waited for me and stung me on the back of the neck when I came up for air. Then it got stuck in my hair. As I ripped it out of my hair it stung me on both index fingers.

Oh yeah...

"Big Brother 6" starts on July 7th! Woo Hoo! It may make me a tad bummed though. Back when we were in Lafayette, the friend group would get together and watch it. No more of that though. We're not even all in the same time zone anymore. We'll just have to link all of our cell phones after the show to vent.


I'm also excited about the Martha Stewart Apprentice. I think I would like to be her Apprentice. That would be better than Donald Trump's Apprentice.


I watched "Dancing with the Stars" more appropriately called "Gagging me with a Wooden Spoon." Don't worry you didn't miss anything, except "Mr. Peterman" doing an excellent waltz.


"Trading Spouses: Meet your new mommy" wasn't all that great this week either. Kind of boring. I actually like "Wife Swap" better because it's not continued over 2 weeks. I cannot stand to wait.


"I Want a Famous Face" had a girl trying to look like Posh Spice because she wants to be a hair model. Ambitious.


Unfortunately I missed "Britney and Kevin Chaotic" this week. My week really suffered because of that. I mean how could I even survive without hearing Britney say "what if my nose looked like this" while pushing her nose up like a pig. And creepy Kevin...I may need to see some internet clips to get my fix. Only Fox's new "Prince's of Malibu" could possibly top this one.

Anyway, now you know I'm addicted to reality shows. And I like it.

It's Bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Yeah well, I usually can't stand anything that comes out of Gwen Stefani's mouth, but I cannot get that song out of my head! "Cuz I ain't no holla back girl...."Somebody help me.

Lost

Kent and I watched the first episode of Lost last night. We thought we'd give it a try since everyone seems to be hooked. I'm not so sure I'm hooked. If whatever the giant thing in the jungle is happens to be a dinosaur, I'm definitely not hooked. I am not interested in dinos and humans mixing on an island. That is vulgar! Just kidding. Not vulgar, I don't know why, I'm just not into a dinosaur show.

Kirstin and I went to visit Stacey and Jeremy in Destin last week. It was a lot of fun. I rode in Kirstin's shiny new car. We paid $1,000,000 tolls. That rocked. I have a very burnt chest. Actually now its just itchy. Coca was really excited to see me when I got home. It's like snuggling a wild squirrel really. I am going to post updated pictures by the way.

Oh and Sugarland relatives (I didn't want to give away your real names in case you didn't want me to) I'm excited about ya'll being in town at the end of June. That'll be fun!!

New Orleans is stinkin hot! The humidity is so bad that the doors to our house are swollen! We have to bust in like the cops on SVU everytime we get home! I really just don't know what to do about that. Guess I'll just keep bustin' in until I bust the door down. Then we'll have no doors and that will be fabulous. (not really)