For those of you who are not on MySpace...

You have to see this picture of the cutest little pooch in the whole world! This is Coca's 2006 Christmas picture!

Our Destiny

Watch this video or pay the price of ignorance. :)

Bust a Gut

Whoa...I did some serious eating this week. Even now, I feel like I'm going to hurl.

AND!!! I finally have some motivation to finish unpacking this apartment. I'm going to video the apartment and put it on YouTube before December 8th. By the way, if you're bored look up "apartment tour" on YouTube. Laura and I had a good time looking at them. Plus it makes me feel better about being a slob.

The Pet Rapture

One night, not too long ago, in a room not too far from the chair I'm sitting in now, the room known as Kent's and my bedroom, a curious thing happened. It was time for bed. I'd put up the baby gate in the doorway so that Coca could not get out. As Kent and I did our nightly reading, I heard the familiar scratching of little paws on the closet door. She desperately tries to get in there every day to steal Kent's sole. She loves to pull the sole out of his brown shoes. I knew she could not get in because I closed the closet door, which happens to be in our bathroom, before I got into bed. When we were done reading, I noticed that the scratching had stopped. I called for Coca...no little paws running, no tags jingling, nothing. So, I got up and looked in all the usual places. She was not there. I went into the bathroom. The closet door was still closed and there was absolutely no sound. I was dumbfounded. Where was my poochie?! She could not have escaped the room. The baby gate was blocking the doorway. As I stood there flabergasted, Kent offered up a suggestion,

"Maybe there was a pet rapture!"

This was very, very funny to me.

I thought that was one of THE FUNNIEST things I'd heard in a long time. I had to call my mom right away and tell her how funny it was. She said that if there was a pet rapture Bear and Pixie didn't get taken. It really just cracked me up. Kent, you are so funny.

We did find Coca. So, there was no pet rapture that night, unless she just didn't make it. As it turned out, somehow Coca managed to open the closet door and then close it behind her. She'd been in the closet the whole time. Crazy little poochie.

A Song to Make Your Job Less Miserable

Oh the Drama!

There has been so much drama at my workplace this week. I have been having daily upset stomachs. I really just need to let go of it because there's nothing I can do about it. I was telling Kent that I wish I had a heartless clone of myself....

***Dream Sequence***

First I'd make sure my clone had no feelings. If she did, I'd have to get rid of her and make another clone that truly is heartless. Then I would train her for weeks at home on how to do my job and make sure she knew who everyone was. Eventually I would send her to work for me. Then, everyday when she got home I'd inject her with a serum that would make her sleep until 7:00 AM the next morning when she'd have to wake up to go to work. Oh, and also, she'd be kept in a cage. I mean after all, she is heartless. I couldn't allow her to roam freely around knives and pillows and other murder weapons.

*********************

Oh well, one can only dream....

I'm still alive!

Well, we FINALLY have the internet back. I had no idea it took over a month to transfer your service from one apartment to another :/

Since my last post:

We moved into our new apartment. So far, so good. Except that we now have to sleep with a noise machine on so that Coca won't hear the baby or dog in the apartment below us and start barking. I've made a little grass garden on our balcony, so Coca has her own private yard.

Coca won 3rd place out of 54 dogs in a costume contest!

Despite what she looks like, it is really not a heavy costume. She's such a cutie poochie! I love my Cokes!

Wonder of all wonders, I picked up my wedding pictures after only 4 1/2 years. Its amazing.

Also, I finally broke my record!! 1 year at the same job!!!! Not that I love it or even like it but at least I'm not in prison for a crime I didn't commit, right? That's one heck of an accomplishment for a quitter like me. :)

I'm super duper excited about Christmas coming and the geese getting fat!

Now I will go fix dinner...(or heat it up at least).

Don't Feed Stray Bullets

This is scary... Last week a stray bullet went through someone's windshield that lives where I work. We think it was from the shooting that happened down the street the night or so before the bullet was found. Crazy.

____________________________________________

In other news, Kent and I were all set to move into our new apartment (well, not all set because if you know me, you know what a procrastinator I am and you know that I'm not really packed yet). We were originally supposed to move in on Sept. 11. That didn't happen because of electrical issues and all that business. So, our move-in got pushed back to Sept. 27, yesterday. Well, the manager calls me yesterday and the conversation goes something like this:

Manager: "We have a problem."
Me: "Okay, what is it?"
Manager: "Well, the cleaning crew went in to clean and saw a lot of roaches, so I called the exterminator and he came out. He said there's a whole nest of roaches under the refridgerator. It's going to take at least a week to kill them all."
Me: "Okay. That really freaks me out. I'm going to have to call you back."

I immediately called my aunt to make sure we had a good back up plan. She said it was fine for us to put all of her stuff in her garage and stay with her until we could move in. I called Kent and told him what happened and he was VERY dissappointed that we could not move in for another week. The more I thought about it though, the more I DID NOT want to live there. The roach nest really freaked me out!!! So, I called Kent back and told him we could not live there. He asked me what I wanted to do instead and I said I'd find us an apartment.

I did. I found a great one at about 10:30 AM yesterday and we moved in around 5:30. Phew. I guess God had a different apartment for us than the one we had originally chosen. He just decided to reveal it at the last minute. I'm thankful though, the new apartment is great. It actually has 2 FULL BATHS!! And a garden tub in the master bath. I'm very excited.

One final note, Kent and I moved our couch up to our new 2nd floor apartment and did not kill ourselves or each other. YAY!!!

Sometimes Work Makes Me Angry...

This makes me feel better, Thanks Laura :D Please check out this funny link!

Communications Course In our personal and professional lives, sometimes we recieve e-mails that are upsetting.

YO HO!

Tomorrow is National Talk Like a Pirate Day!!! Avast ye scurvy dog!!

Oh yes, Monday...

I am not really too alert in the morning. Half of the time, I don't even remember the ride to work because I'm just not functioning yet. Well this morning was no different. I was just going through the same route I take every day. I could do it with my eyes closed and today I just may have had my eyes closed. I was headed up the walkway to the door at work when all of the sudden, "blam!" I'm flat on my belly like a smashed roach, my keys purse and lunch have skidded about 3 feet away. I just layed there for a minute trying to figure out what was going on. I don't know what happened...maybe I tripped, maybe my shoe malfunctioned, maybe I fell back asleep. Whatever it was, it woke me up.

You may be right...I may be crazy...

Hey, but it just may be a lunatic you're looking for...

First of all, let me just say that Kent must be a saint, because I don't think any mere human could stay married to me.

I'd had somewhat of a stressful day and week. We're working on packing, we have absolutely no idea when our new apartment will be ready because a lug was burnt on the electrical meter and they had to get an electrician, then they have to pull a permit and blah blah blah we don't know when we're moving in. So, we may or may not have an apartment by September 30th, which is when we have to be out of here. We may have to rent a storage unit for a month and stay with someone...but that's not what this story is about. That was just to give you some idea of what kind of stress we've been under.

We've also been trying to get rid of a giant, solid wood, extremely heavy entertainment center for the last two weeks. We are moving to a 2nd floor apartment and we didn't think we could get it to the 2nd floor without making a trip to the ER. Finally, one of the Craigslist responders panned out and she said they'd pick it up tonight. Well, I don't know what I was thinking, but I thought we had time to go to Wal-Mart and do the grocery shopping before they got here. Wrong. She called when we were about 1/2 way through the shopping and said they were on their way to our house. By now, we'd been in Wal-mart about 15 minutes, it was jam packed with obnoxious people, blocking EVERY SINGLE AISLE, I was hungry, had indigestion and this kid a few aisles behind us had been screaming incessantly for the last 10 minutes!! And now, all of the sudden, this lady calls and I have to decide whether we should finish the shopping, check out with what we have and come back later for the rest, or leave it all and start over tomorrow. I couldn't even focus enough to make a decision. I was just pacing back and forth on the aisle. Kent asked me, "what do you want to do?" I said to him, "I don't know. I can't decide, " and then as I waived my arms in the air like a raving lunatic I yelled, "AND THAT KID WON'T SHUT UP!!!!!" It was like the store suddenly fell silent. Never, ever in all the days that I live will I forget Kent's face at that moment. I was a tad shocked as well and immediately started laughing at what I'd just done and said, "I wasn't yelling at you, Kent. I was yelling about the kid," so in case anyone was watching, they wouldn't think we were fighting, because we weren't.

At that moment, there was no decision left to be made. We just left the buggy and started walking toward the exit. I couldn't quit laughing at my momentary insanity and I apologized to Kent multiple times for my outburst. He, of course, was forgiving because he's a saint.

Finally, we made it home and were able to unload the Entertainment Center. What a night.

Something to do...

Check out this website. It's a little fun. http://thriftshopvoices.com/view.cgi
Click on the titles in the left-hand column to hear them.

I Love Crime

Okay, I don't love actual crime that happens in our own neighborhoods and cities, like murders, theft, assault, etc. I don't condone or hope for some "rockin' crimes" to happen each night so that I can be entertained. But I do love reading or watching shows about crime, mostly murder. Not, mystery books or anything like that. I like to hear about the real crimes.

I've been so into Court TV lately. I like to ride the stationary bike while watching Forensic Files. Last night I could not go to sleep until I saw the end of Women Behind Bars.

I especially like to see stuff about serial killers. Granted, it does scare me and I feel like I might be killed at any moment, but at least it helps me grasp my own mortality, right? I will often select movies based on true stories about serial killers. I'm just baffled by their urge to kill and I always hope that they will give some sort of insight as to why they were killing.

I've always enjoyed Unsolved Mysteries. My mom and dad can attest to the fact that I was 17 years old and sleeping on the floor in their room because I'd just finished an episode of Unsolved Mysteries and was afraid to be alone.

I watched CSI for a while and its okay, I guess. Its not real enough though. I like to see real clues, real blood spray patterns and real crime photos. It's not that I have some morbid obsession with seeing photos of dead people. I just like seeing the path that leads the investigators to the killer.

I've always thought I'd like to be a detective and I think I'd be good, if I do say so myself. Unfortunately, I start to pass out when I see real, live, blood (as in "not-on-tv" blood).

So, my dreams of being Detective Jessica won't be fulfilled
I will not solve the mysteries of those that are killed
That's okay; investigators will do fine without me
I'll just live vicariously through Court TV.

Coca's Cousin Came to Visit

Coca is SO BOSSY!

Criminal Screening

Sorry Beth...:) They never really told us if he passed, but I'm thinking he did. They would have definitely told us if he did not.

I think we'll be moving in around September 16th. I'm excited. Kent saw the model apartment for the first time today and he really liked it too. It has a balcony. :)

So we got a new apartment...

Provided Kent passes the criminal screening. :) YAY!!

I do not feel like getting ready for work this morning. Blah! I'm going to work with dirty hair.

Bummer....

So, I found out yesterday that our landlord is going up on our rent. Our new rent is now $750 per month for a 625 sf apartment. The problem is we don't really have much of an option besides signing the new lease, which happens to be a 1 year lease. The one year lease is an issue too. Since Kent graduates in May, we really have no idea where we're going to be living beyond May. I don't want to have to pay for months we won't be living here.

There are cheaper apartments available in areas where I would never open the door once night fell and there are apartments available in safer areas that we could pay $1500 per month. $750 is not bad for an apartment here. It's just that is so small. I mean, if I gain 5lbs we're not going to fit anymore. I'd rather have more for the money, or less for less money even. I just want to feel like its a good value. Anyway, I searched the internet for hours last night and did not find anything that met our needs. So, looks like we'll be signing a new lease. I'll just have to get over it.

In other news...
I'm caught up on laundry! YAY!!! By caught up I mean I only have one basket of dirty clothes left.

And...

Coca absolutely loves her new dogfood. Royal Canin makes a food created especially for Chihuahuas. They must've done something right.

Oh well, that's all for now. Boring post, I know. I'll try better next time.

It's not Dandruff!!!

My forehead burned on vacation. Now it is peeling. I have bangs, in case you don't remember.

...by the way, for those of you who don't know me they're not 80's big bangs they're awesome ROCK STAR bangs! Okay they're not necessarily awesome or rock star, but they're at least two clicks up from lame. Anyway, back to the subject at hand, my peeling head...

The flakes of skin come off my forehead during the day and make their way to the front of my bangs. So, it looks like I have some sick dandruff flakes in my bangs...like 1/4" dandruff flakes. If you see me, just so you know, IT'S NOT DANDRUFF!! Take away my T-gel and I'll show you some dandruff. You'll know it when you see it. It looks more like salt rather than oatmeal flakes.

Sometimes I wonder why I was never homecoming queen...

Gleeking

I'm back!

I have discovered that I can "gleek." Yes, I'm 27 years old. No, I should not be spitting in public. Now, on to the details...

After years of trying (15 years to be exact) I have finally mastered the art of gleeking. However, I can only do it after I yawn. I know, weird, right? After I yawn I can gleek 3 or 4 times in a row!!! I have a spray of saliva dots all over my purse, shirt and anything else around me. My sister said it looks like a snake shooting out venom. Snakey! I love it.

That's not the funny part...

Kent could not gleek either. That is until Friday August 4th at about 7 PM. We were standing in line at the notary shoppe and we started talking about gleeking. Kent, who has not been able to gleek ever before, decided to demonstrate how he can not gleek. He looked right at me and proceded to show me how he can't gleek by shooting saliva right in my face. We were both shocked. I was embarassed and soon after that completely amused. How funny that must have looked to the man standing there in his gangsta duds about 2 feet behind us. I know if I had been that man I would have laughed my guts out.

That was a good time.

Long time no post

It has been a really long time since I last posted. Sadly, since my last post, my Oma (grandma in German) passed away suddenly. It was heartbreaking. I can't even express how much she'll be missed.

That's really all I have to say today. Maybe I'll be inspired before Wednesday, which is when Cox cable is coming to fix our internet that has been out for the last 3 weeks.

This week at the crack house...

We live in a crack house. It's cracking up. There are cracks forming above the doors and coming down from the windows. The walls beginning to separate from each other. The bathtub shifted about 1/2 inch away from the tile. For 2 months we were unable to use one of our doors because it had magically shifted and the lock got stuck. It doesn't really bother me that much because we don't own it. I think if we'd bought this house I would be A LOT more concerned.

I got DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION from Kent's parents for my birthday. So now I'm a dancin' fool. I will try to post some videos soonish. Now Kent and I will have to fight over the Play Station.

Next weekend is my only weekend off (besides vacation) until after labor day.

Mosquitos are back with a vengance.

I found a comforter set that Kent and I both agreed on and of course they didn't have the size we needed.

OH, and we've been without internet for about a week. WE GOT IT BACK YESTERDAY!!!! YAY! Cox Cable was working on the lines.

Big Brother All Stars starts on Thursday. So, my obsession will begin as well. I'll love, I'll hate and I will develop many parasocial relationships.

By the way, "Jessica's Getting Ready for Work Mix" is now available for public viewing (Sorry about that. I thought I clicked public).

Consider yourself updated.

Sherbert Punch wishes and Birthday Cake dreams

Today was my GOLDEN birthday. If you don't know what that means, I turned 27 on the 27th. Yeah, I'd never heard of it either until Kirstin turned 25 on the 25th. Anyway, it was a great day and a great week leading up to it. This past weekend I celebrated my birthday with my family in Z-town. I had a delicious Amaretto Peach cake. Yum yum yum. Went to the mall and shopped for my gifts with my mom and sister and ate food court. Yum yum yum. My sister, Laura, got me the HUGEST cupcake ever!! It was so big, it had regulation size cookies on top of it. Yum yum yum. See for yourself:

Today, I got up and went to the OMV and got my driver's license renewed:

Then, my parents happened to be in town so they picked me up and took me to Caretta's for lunch. YUMMY! We also went to Border's and then hung out at my house.

Later, Kent came home from work. He took me to the mall to exchange a shirt that he got me (which we actually have to pick up at a different mall tomorrow because this one didn't have my size. The other mall may be better anyway because they said they have the "girl" version. Which is good. It's a Serenity t-shirt. If you haven't seen that movie...see it. But first watch the TV series that leads up to it or you may be lost. The series is only one season long (it's called Firefly by the way) so it doesn't require much of a commitment. See it. Anyway, I digress...) and then we ate at PF Changs. While we were there a guy totally almost cracked his skull on our table. :) YUMMY!

Then we came home and my poochie wished me a happy birthday. She's so sweet. All in all, a great day and week. OH! I almost forgot one of the best parts...I WAS OFF OF WORK TODAY!!!

My quarterly sappy post...

I really like the song by Bad Day by Daniel Powter. I hear it every morning on VH1 as I'm getting ready for work. Seriously, the video helps me not quit my job each day. Silly? Maybe.

I drag myself out of bed. Crawl to my car and into my office being fueled only by my desire to keep eating and my fondness for electricity. I greet each customer with a smile and send them on their way with a cheerful wish for a great day. But my day usually stinks. I mindlessly do my work while dreaming of painting birds on walls, swimming at the beach and building all the projects in my head. I block out the endless chatter of certain 8:30 to 5:00 faces and wish that the clock said 4:55 instead of 10:55. Then I head home. I talk to my mom on the phone, take my doggy out and see Kent walking up the driveway and none of my bad day matters anymore...

The next day it starts all over again.

I work at a smile and I go for a ride.

Daniel Powter - Bad Day - Listen to It!

You're Dead To Me!

Something kind of scary has been happening in our house. This week, three flies have gotten in our house. They all came in on separate days. The scary thing is that about an hour after each one came in, I either found them dead or heard them buzzing their last buzzes and dying on their backs! Something is killing them in here and its not a flyswatter. I don't know what in the world is in the air in here, but it makes me just a tad nervous. I could understand it being hard to breathe the week that I ate all the cabbage, but this is just creepy...

Cell Phones are AWESOME!

Dear Cellphone,

After 10 years together, I felt like I needed to write to you and say thank you. I'd like to say thank you for making my life so much easier. I'd like to thank you for taking care of me when I need you...when my car broke down, I turned to you; when I was lost in New Orleans, I turned to you; when I needed to look busy to avoid talking to someone, I turned to you. I'd like to say thank you for all of this...

BUT UNFORTUNATELY I CAN'T!
BECAUSE YOU'RE STUPID!

Instead, I'd like to thank you for allowing me to hear my own voice echoing back to me when I try to call my mom. Thank you for only letting me hear about 1/2 of what anyone is saying when they call me. Thank you for making it IMPOSSIBLE to call anyone during a hurricane evacuation. Thank you for breaking your stupid little ear piece and only allowing me to hear through you on speaker phone. You really made me some close friends with that one. Because of that everyone in Wal-Mart now knows all my business. Thank you, thank you, thank you for suddenly going silent during my phone calls and then coming back on in just enough time for the person I'm talking with to hear, "UGH!!! I HATE YOU STUPID PHONE!!! PIECE OF JUNK!!!" Thank you for sending me voicemails 2 days after the caller left the message. Thank you for not allowing me to order pizza because all the person can hear is, "I li-- t- der- er-ni--za." Thank you for still not working well even after I bang you on the steering wheel a few times. Thank you for tricking me and everyone else into thinking if we talk louder that the person on the other end will hear more clearly. Most of all, I'd like to thank you for dropping my calls, because after a long day at work there's nothing like venting about your co-workers to a dead phone WITH NO ONE ON THE OTHER END!!!

Thank you cell phone. You are awesome and one day I'm going to smash you.

Sincerly,
Jessica

I'm gas powered!

At about 7PM today I realized that all I'd eaten today was the following:

9:30 AM Onion Rings (reheated from Last night - the best onion rings in the city, actually)
9:45 AM Diet Pepsi
9:50 AM Hershey's Smore's Candy Bar
1:00 PM Reese's Pieces
3:00 PM Movie Theater Popcorn
3:00 PM Big 'Ol Coke
5:00 PM Refilled Big 'Ol Coke

I'm thinking of writing a book on healthy living. What do you think?

Yeah, they lay eggs.

I just said a couple of weeks ago to a girl I work with, "You know geckos are reptiles, so I know they lay eggs, but I've never seen any." Low and behold I saw some. And it was sick. Thank you gecko for sicking me out.

I've also seen a lot of smashed bird eggs in the last couple of weeks. That's sad.

Tonight we ordered pizza. Of course our furocious guard dog had to bark her fool head off when she heard the doorbell ring. Unfortunately we can't get our front door open right now because it's swollen (one of the joys of humidity). I had to struggle to pull the back door open (which is so hard to open, that I've actually developed a callous on my hand from it) and Coca ran out with me. Coca and I turned the corner around the side of the house and, seriously, the pizza man jumped like three feet!! Then he said, "You little rat!" I took the pizza and gave him his money. He then told me she looks like some character off of Ice Age. I guess that character was scary for him because I can still see (and I'm still giggling at) his "scared face." Horror movies about six pound dogs are often on the shelf right next to Freddy Krueger and Jason so I can totally see how she could make him pee in his pants a little. I mean, that's the stuff nightmares are made of!

Some Tips for Summer Fun

Flies sometimes fly down into your drink through your straw. Then, you will suck them into your mouth when you go to drink your drink. Then you will want to vomit. Do not leave your drink unattended.

The slide closest to the interstate (the flat-ish one) at Blue Bayou will make you feel like you've just had an enema. Make sure there's a bathroom close by.

Spearmint snowballs go in and come out green. Do not be alarmed.

On a separate note...Yay!!! It's almost Summer!!! I wish I would be off for the whole Summer, but Oh Well, at least I'm not in jail. :)

Gummaddiction

At my job we're divided into two offices: East and West. I work in the East office. The West office had a competition for their residents in which they had to guess how many Easter Egg gum balls were in this vase that was probably about 24" tall and as big around as a gallon of milk. Turned out, there were 546 gums in there. Well, I think I've eaten 538 of them. I can't stop! It's like I'm a chain smoker only I'm a chain chewer! I chew two pieces at a time for no longer than 2 minutes, spit it out and then chew new ones. I start at about 10:00 AM and I have to follow the same pattern each time. Two yellows, two blues, two pinks, two whites and then the pattern repeats itself. Everyday I say, "Absolutely no gum today" and then I eat, literally, I'm not exaggerating, 30 to 40 pieces. It's a sickness and I'm not down with it. My gums on one side of my mouth are sore and I feel a weird crater in one of my molars. It's destroying my life! Soon I'll be loitering outside of convenience stores asking customers to lend me 88 cents for some gum, I'll hide out in the office bathroom just to get my fix with no one noticing, I'll wake up in a pile of my own gum not knowing how I got there and who's gum I was chewing. Finally, I'll hit rock bottom when a gum fix goes wrong and ends up in Kent's hair. It will never be the same once I hurt someone I love becuase of my need for gum...

Help me blog readers, you're my only hope!

Early Morning Photo Shoot

"What? I'm not doing anything."

"Hey Mom! I found a big one for you to throw!!"

"I GOT THE STICK!!!"

"Oh stick, I love you, stick..."

Awwww...It's our first video

Ta-da! Our first video uploaded to the internet!

This is a video of our Monkey-Dog Coca on the way to a Zephyrs game. Until we got this camera, Kent and I were the only people who'd heard her make this noise. Please watch the whole thing to hear the whole funny...it's only 30 seconds, after all!

ATTENTION:
I've removed the video from my blog so that it won't slow down readers' computers. Please view the video at Vidilife

Simmah down now...

On Sunday mornings I have to find something to do from 9:00 to 10:00 AM in Uptown New Orleans. Kent has to be at church for 9:00 but the service doesn't start until 10:00. So, I entertain myself. Today, I walked several blocks down St. Charles and had breakfast at "C'est Si Bon." It was good. I ate outside, so the flies were kind of annoying but other than that, good. That's not what this post is about though...

On my way back to the church I saw what was almost a wicked awesome AFV moment. This guy was roller blading (kinda fast) with his dog (a cocker spaniel) running along side of him on a leash. He was heading for the entrance gate at Audubon Park. At the same time a very sweaty older man was walking out of the park. I happened to turn around when I heard the man with the dog saying, "come on, this way!" Right then, the roller blader went to one side of the sweaty man and the dog when to the other. The sweaty man was just about to get clotheslined, when the roller blader let go of the leash and sweaty man grabbed it. Sweaty man was almost laughing...he didn't seem to be angry at all.

That's when the fun ended.

Roller blader started shouting, "Watch the !@#$ where you're going!" Then Sweaty Man said, "I was just walking down the street when you went to one side and your dog went to the other." Roller blader replied, "Just watch the !@#$ where you're going!! WAKE UP!!" I don't know what was up with Roller Blader but apparently he thinks the world, the city and the sidewalk revolve around him. I wanted to go tell Sweaty Man that it's okay and he shouldn't worry about what the insane roller blader said, but I thought that would be weird. So, I just walked on.

I hope he's not at home crying.

$8 Hair Dye vs. $200 Hair-do

Oh my goodness...it has been a while since I posted. Kent has been working on projects and papers and stuff like that. So, I've been a little short on computer time, but no big deal. Anyway...

I was watching a TV commercial the other day (I have to specify because, you know, sometimes I watch radio commercials) and a commercial for L'Oreal Hair Dye came on.

WHATEVER, L'OREAL!!!!

How stupid do you think we are? I'm so sure Eva Longoria and Heather Locklear dye their precious, million dollar locks with $8 hair dye. Really, you will never get your hair to look like those celebrities by using hair dye you pick up at Walgreens, Wal-Mart or even Target. More than likely, they've spent in excess of $200 to get their hair done by someone like that guy from "Blow Out." So, L'Oreal, you don't fool me!

Meanwhile, I will buy the King Kong Pizza. Because if it's big enough for King Kong, it's big enough for me. I will also drink diet coke because the bubbles make that man run down the street and kiss his girl. I know, I'm a sucka.

MONDAY! MONDAY! MONDAY!

ONE NIGHT AND ONE NIGHT ONLY!
A NO HOLDS BARRED PIG-OUT EXTRAVAGANZA!
YOU BETTER NOT MISS IT, BROTHERS!

Kent and I ate at CiCi's Pizza. Now, I know what all you Lafayettians are thinking...mmm...cardboard. The CiCi's here is WAY different. Its DEE-LISH-USSSS! And I totally lose control when we go there. Some nights I try to contain myself and at least drink a diet coke. Not tonight though. I ate and drank and my $4 worth!

Vegetable Pizza
Canadian Bacon Pizza
Barbeque Pizza
more Barbeque Pizza
Macaroni and Cheese Pizza (It's awesome!! The lady behind me thought it looked gross)
Giant mound of salad
Pasta Salad
Breadsticks
Brownies
and...ahhhh...Coca-Cola

I won't say how many pieces my tag team partner ate (I'll leave that up to him), but he certainly held up his end of the partnership. He was power-bombing pepperoni pieces and chokeslamming the cheese slices. OH YEAH!

I don't think it even all fit in my stomach. Some of it had to hang out in my esophagus until it's predecessors were digested. It's not often that I get to eat myself into a stupor, but man-oh- man when I do, I'm so happy the rest of the night (unless I'm feeling guilty about eating all of it, which is what normally would happen, but tonight I gave myself a pass).

Call me weak.
Call me a pig.
Call me out of control.
But most importantly, call me if you want to go to CiCi's.

In the words of Stephanie Tanner, "How Rude!"

Kent and I had planned to tour a doggy Bed and Breakfast on Sunday afternoon. We'd hoped to be able to leave Coca there on a trial run the weekend that we're going to Festival International. When I'd called before, they gave me the prices and said that the dogs spend the day hanging out with other dogs and spend the night in their suites. I was a little concerned because, as you may or may not know, Coca weighs about the same as a bag of sugar. I called "Pampered Pets" today and explained that I'd gotten prices and a description of their services and that I was a little concerned about the dogs being all together. I asked the old man that answered the phone if the dogs were separated by size. He said, "No." So, I said, "You mean, my 5 lb dog is going to be spending the day with German Shepherds and Great Danes?" Then he responded hastily, "No! Small dogs are in the front and large dogs are in the back. STOP AND THINK!" I was shocked by his rudeness and harsh response to a legitimate concern. I mean, usually when you say no, they're not divided by size, that means they're all together. I said okay and hung up.

I told a girl I work with, Nichole, about the conversation. She asked if I wanted her to call and see if they treated her the same way. I told her she should. Nichole pretended to be the owner of a small dog getting some information about their facility. She spoke with a lady (not the old man I spoke with). The lady explained that the dogs were together during the day ...blah blah blah. Nichole then asked a similar question to what I'd asked. She said, "So all of the dogs are together?" The "lady" replied, "Yes." So, Nichole said, "My small dog is going to be with Rotweillers and other large dogs?" Then the lady said, "WHAT DO YOU THINK???!!" Nichole, being alot braver than I am, responded by saying "Excuse me! I'm just trying to find a good place for my dog." I was glad she'd responded that way. The alleged lady tried to be a little nicer then.

Needless to say, we will not be touring "Pampered Pets" nor will Coca be staying there. I know its no skin of their reptilian backs but I'll never give them any money.

Not going somewhere because they were rude doesn't really affect the business. What's the measley amount I would have paid them compared to what they make in a day, right? However, I just can't do it. That is, in fact, why I no longer go to the "Family Christian Store" in the Esplanade mall. I like to lovingly refer to it as the "Death Store" and sometimes hiss when we pass by it. Actually, I was hissing at the "Family Christian Store" one day when someone walked past me and looked a little freaked out. I realized she probably thought I was some type of devil worshipper hissing at the Christians. I then tried to joke, loudly, about it hoping she'd here me telling Kent why I was hissing. Anyway...I know that hissing in public is not normal for a 26 year old person.

There is one store to which I've made an exception. Sav-A-Center...because it's one block from our house and sometimes I desperately need some crusty bread and fudgcicles.

The Amazing story of one man and one woman who get lots of free food...

One of the grrrrrreat things about living so close to alot of family is the free food! It was my cousin Jonathan's 18th birthday party on Saturday and guess who took home the leftovers. OH YEAH, it was us. We brought home fried catfish, shrimp, a TON of Jambalya, french bread, two kinds of fried potatoes, sausage and potato salad. It's incredibly awesome and I'm so happy. Some of it had to be frozen because we couldn't eat all of that before it goes bad. PLUS! My grandpa and grandma sent some coke home with us today (a-cola, not cocaine, in case you're wondering).

Back at the work place...

I worked alone on Saturday. We each have to work one Saturday a month and this past one was mine. Here are some of the highlights of the day:

A resident came into the office and complained about seeing someone smoking crack by the pool.

A resident's son threw his keys onto the roof...which is 3 stories up.

A resident had to come by and get touch up paint because she said she had "a very bad case of diarrhea." I really don't know what's up with that. I mean, I've had some bad viruses, but I've never had to touch up the paint afterward.

Other random information:

I discovered one of my molars is chipped. Guess I should stop eating gravel.

4 day week!!

Funny Stuff

I saw something very funny on the internet today. However, it was inappropriate for the blog. I'll just laugh for you.

In other news, I can't stop eating.

I've Gone and Done It

I've introduced my coworkers to "Todd." If you've ever been prank called by me, then you know exactly who that is. If you have not been prank called by me, then send me your number. I always need a few good numbers.

They thought it was really funny. So, of course, I couldn't just stop there. As long as someone is laughing, I'll keep going until its not funny anymore. I had to show them some of my sound effects, clown horn, air horn, etc. They laughed and and I loved it. Of course, they all think I'm part man now. I'm holding out on the Aaron Neville and Elvis impersonations until I've been there 6 months.

Sidenote - Coca is doing so well with her training. My little girl is so smart.

Six days, seven nights...

Here's the week in review:

Smell Sensitivity set to LOW - The main part of my job is to walk apartments as people move out and get them ready (schedule contractors, supervise work, etc.) for the next resident. I walked this one apartment and did not think it was too bad. The next day, one of our maintenance guys comes to me and says, "You're getting the carpet changed in there, aren't you?" I told him I wasn't planning on it. He then told me he and another maintenance guy couldn't even work in there because it smelled so bad! I told him I'd go ahead and have it tested for pet urine just to be safe, even though I didn't smell anything (the person didn't have a pet lease so it was not automatically tested). Sure enough, there were urine stains all over - and I didn't smell a thing! What's up with this nose?

What I Love: March Edition
*Little packets of calorie free drink mix for your water bottle
*Nature's Valley Almond Crunch Granola Bars
*Advantage Flea and Tick Medication
*Popsicles

Newsworthy
Did you know that you are entitled to one free credit report per year from the each of the three major credit reporting agencies? I just learned that today and Kent and I both took a look at our credit reports. I only have a little piece of credit. That's good, I guess, considering I've never had a credit card. We thought someone was stealing Kent's identity, so that was a little scary...although incorrect. You should definitely check your credit report. It will be interesting.

Unlikely Events
*I ORDERED OUR WEDDING PICTURES!!!!!
*Some flowers I planted bloomed! (see pictures below)

I know Brad Pitt has a lot of money, but...

We all know that Brad Pitt has TONS of money. But it's really just flaunting it when you pay to have your internal battles decided on a basket ball court.

Have you no shame, Brad? HAVE-YOU-NO-SHAME?

"What a splendid head, yet no brain." - Aesop

Throughout my full-grown life I've gained weight and lost weight, cut my hair short and grown it long, gotten a tan then faded to a pasty white - there have been many changes. But, in this ever changing world there's one thing that remains constant:

MY GIANT HEAD!

Before you start with the obligatory, "No, your head's not big!" Let me just explain that it is giant and I'm okay with it.

Men's size Large hats are tight on my oversized, bobble head.

My graduation caps have had to be attached with clips and hairpins because they bust off of my gargantuan head.

I once needed a big, floppy hat for a murder mystery dinner. Kent's mom offered to let me borrow one of hers. I said that it would probably be too small. I tried it on anyway....and...I could not pull it down. It just kind of floated on top of my inflated, balloon head.

If I follow a crochet pattern to make myself a hat, I have to continuously add stitches so it will fit my big, fat, rock head.

Yes, so, my head is indeed a large one but I think I'm going to keep it because nothing is funnier at 7:00 in the morning than not being able to fit your head through the head-hole in your sweater.

The Loot

Here are some of our treasures from the St. Patrick's Day parade on Sunday.

VEGGIES! Cabbage, carrots, onion and potatoes. I've already made a delicious vegetable soup with some chicken stock I had frozen. I've also made some plain cabbage with salt and pepper...mmmmm!


Although we didn't catch a chicken foot at this parade. We did catch some chicken flavored Ramen noodles.


This was my favorite catch, of all. If you can't tell, it's a shamrock windchime.

I'm a published humorist!

Yes, I am! Well, okay it's only in the Interfax Daily but according to itself, it's "seen by thousands of employed readers every weekday." My joke is not really that funny, but it is along the lines of what usually runs in the Interfax Daily. What's even more exciting is that it won us some FREE FOOD!!

By the way, if you can't read the joke here it is:

Q. Why does Barbie look so good for her age?

A. Because she has a great PLASTIC surgeon!

Happy Anniversary, Sicko!

Kent's and my 4th Anniversary is coming up soon. We've been hemming and hawwing about whether or not to buy each other gifts, what to do to celebrate and all of that business. Well, we finally decided what to get each other. I know its a bit early, but what can you do, right? We gave each other a pre-anniversary stomach virus! That's right! And in a house with only one bathroom it's really helped us learn the value of compromise, and that's the real gift. Don't you agree?

Seriously, we've been vomitting our guts out.

We just decided this was the absolute perfect gift. Besides, nothing says "I'm still the girl you married" like regurgitated granola stuck to your neck.



**Bonus**
Yes, I Am Supposed to be an Adult
Yesterday I went to work thinking I could stick it out. I hate to lose money and I won't have any sick days until May 1st. Well, I couldn't stick it out. I hadn't thrown up but I could feel it coming. So I told my boss I needed to go home and I left. I stopped by walgreens to get some Lysol and crackers. While I was in line I started to feel really weak and hot and nauseated. The girl two people in front of me was buying enough gum and soap to freshen the breath of and clean like 20 elephants. I couldn't take it. I rushed out of the store to get some air. I thought I'd composed myself and went back in. I started to feel sick again and thought maybe I just need to go to the bathroom. So, I asked a girl who worked there where the restroom was. Aisle 9C. I walked towards aisle 9C and was about one aisle away when I realized, "Oh, no I'm going to puke" I had to push past a man with my hand over my mouth. I made it to aisle 9C, but there was no sign for a bathroom. Then the vomit came. I stood there, like a kid, vomitting all over the medicine aisle, my feet and my pants (but not a drop on my super cute, new, beaded wristlet I got last weekend). Of course, then I started crying. Not just a sniffling crying, but a BOO HOO HOO. The same man that I'd pushed past earlier came over and said, "do you need some help?" He didn't even work at the store. I sobbed and said "I'm sick and I can't find the bathroom, but don't come over here. You don't want to see this." Then the manager showed up and helped me to the bathroom. I realized I must've looked crazy with mascara streaming down my face and vomit all over my pants. I came out of the bathroom and asked for a mop so I could clean up my mess, but he insisted they'd do it. So, I walked out of the store as calmly as I could and left. When's the last time you've seen a "grown-up", not drunk, and vommitting in a store?

What a knockout!!

You may, or may not, know some of Kent's and my "sleeping" stories, or should I say antics. Well, add another to the list. I woke up Wednesday morning with a sore and a little clogged nose. As the day progressed I tried to blow my nose, but nothing would come out. Not to mention, it was getting more and more painful. Finally, by the evening my nose was really sore and not the cartilage part, but the bone and surrounding area. I was stumped. Kent and I really did not remember me hitting my face on anything and that is something that's usually hard to forget. As we got ready to go to bed that night I noticed a smear of blood on my pillow! At first I thought, "GROSS!" Then, after changing the pillow case and thinking about it a little longer, we realized what probably happened to my nose.

You may have heard the story about the time, when Kent and I had been married for only a few months and I had a mid-morning mishap. I rolled onto my back (which I usually don't do and for good reason) and was probably 1/4 awake. All of the sudden, Kent elbows me full force in the chest. I yell, of course, and he wakes up. Turns out, he was fighting someone off his back in his dream and I guess I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

All of that to say, we think somehow some part of Kent, whether it was his head, his elbow or his hand, hit me in the nose during the night. I got hit so hard that it left a bruise and was sore for 5 days! How I didn't wake up during the incident, I don't know.

DO NOT scroll down if you don't want to see something sick!

Ewwww!! This was thrown to my aunt at the Mardi Gras parade we went to on Saturday. At first we thought it was fake and were all amazed at how realistic it looked. It has joints, ligaments and everything. Then, I thought I spotted a bone and decided not to touch it anymore just to be safe. Now, it is starting to stink. How totally disgusting!
Oh, and just in case you're still wondering....it's a chicken foot.

She's growing up so fast *tear*

Coca is officially a "big girl." Not only is she allowed to stay in the Living Room and hang out on the couch, on her blanket, while we're at work, but she starts Kindergarten on March 23rd. She is going to beginner obedience training for 8 weeks. Actually, we'll be going together on Thursday nights. I'm so excited.

I'm also off of work today and tomorrow and very excited about that, as well. Yay for Mardi Gras. Speaking of Mardi Gras, someone threw the sickest thing off of one of the floats on Saturday. I will post a picture of it later...gross.

My Summer Breeze Turned Into a North Wind

As the hair around my forehead blew ever-so-slightly in the breeze created by the fan, I fell asleep to the sound of Kent's breathing, which was, for the first time in months, not drowned out by the sound of the A/C or heater. It was fabulous. For the last two nights I've enjoyed sleeping in shorts and a tee and covering with just a sheet. It was warm and comfortable and it felt like Summer was on its way. I wore a skirt to work on Wednesday and bought some new strappy, black heels. I even contemplated putting on the Neutrogena tan this week. I am definitely ready for Summer (except for the swimsuit part - I'm never quite ready for that).

Even though I'm not in school anymore and off for the whole Summer, it's still my favorite time of the year. It's exciting...vacations, barbeques, my birthday, longer days, watermelon and West Nile.

Ahhh...Vacations. I never realized how much I absolutely loved going on vacation until I started working full-time. It was always great fun and I looked forward to them, but now, it's the pot of gold at the end of my yearly rainbow, it's the cherry on top of my year of Sundays, it's the flag atop my mountain of Mondays. I can smell it now...

Unfortunately, it's now 54 degrees! The low will be 43 tonight. I guess it's back to flannel PJ's, heavy blankets and the heater. Wah-wah. I know, I know, it's much colder in Denver...

You can make Jessica and Kent your friends for only $19.95; Act now and you'll also receive this FREE Handy Chopper!

As I've mentioned before, I'm not very good at making friends. I was reminded of my friend-making deficiency this Sunday. Kent and I are going to a new church now and are trying to meet some people. A married guy (with no apparent kids), probably about 3 or 4 years older than Kent, started talking to us. As he asked questions I went into the sales pitch. The "where I work." The "where I live." The "what makes me interesting." This is one of the two areas I completely fail when friend making. I'm no good at the sales pitch. I stumble on the words, sweat and have difficulty making eye contact. If I was selling crystal meth...maybe that would work, but not when I'm selling myself.

I also fail when it comes to closing the deal. I don't ask for phone numbers, email addresses or plan any follow-up visits. I usually just assume that I've failed to present myself as anything they'd be interested in and they will head on down to the next friend dealership along the highway.

I do however, have great customer service after the purchase has been made. Sure sometimes the line is busy, or there's a faulty part, but that's what recalls are for, right? The Jessica 2006 also comes with free tips on finding great deals on cute shoes and the latest technology in prank call making.

I Had To Burst My Bubble

I had this weird, white thing growing on my lower eye-lid. At fist I thought it was a sty. I was later informed that sties are red. Silly me. So, I thought it was just a little virus-like thing and it would go away on its own. Well, it had been, like, 2 weeks and it was still there. It was starting to get a little painful when I bumped it too. So, I decided to go to the doctor. All day long I was nervous, thinking he would have to stick it with a needle, scrape it off with a scalpel or zap it with a laser. All my worries were for naught. He took one look at it and said, "oh it's a pimple."

Awesome, I'm 26, finally done with zits and break-outs (most days anyway) on my face and now I can get them on my eyes! YESSSSSS!

He proceeded to try to pop it for me with his finger first, and then with a long Q-tip. He couldn't do it. He told me I should put hot compresses on it in the morning and at night before I go to bed and "work at popping it...I mean expressing it." Last night my eye-zit decided to take the advice of Madonna and express itself after I "worked at it" with a hot compress. It was very freeing. No more white bubble eye!

I know, I'm sick.

Prank Calls

I love to make Prank Calls. Yes, yes, I know...26 years old and likes to make prank calls. You may think its sad, but you're wrong. Its fun. I love to trick people with my voice. I can imitate an iffeminate man very well and it has given me many hours of entertainment. Here are a few prank calls from the vault:

(when Kent was working at the hockey store)
ME: "Hi, my name is Jason. How much are your hockey masks?"

(calling a friend's friend who was working at Victoria's Secret)
ME: "Hi, I was just wondering if you hire black people?"
GIRL: "yes."
ME: "Do you hire Indian people?"
GIRL: "yes."
ME:"Do you hire elderly people?"
GIRL: "yes." (now, a little annoyed)
ME: "Well, do you hire people who are a little bit woman and (in a deep man's voice) A LITTLE BIT MAN?"

(to many, many friends who lived in the dorms)
ME: "Hi, this is Wanda Butler from the Student Housing department."
PERSON: "Yes?"
ME: "You're ID card has an outstanding balance of $450."
PERSON: "What!!??"
ME: "Yes, I'll need you to stop by the housing office first thing tomorrow morning to take care of this."
PERSON: "well, that's stupid. I don't even use my ID card!"
ME: "Then there must be some error please stop by the office as soon as possible"
(they would continue to rant and rave about not oweing money until they said...)
PERSON: "Why are you calling students at 10:00 at night?"
ME: "Yes, well, we're very busy here. Please stop by in the morning." *click*

There have been many more, but I will stop here so as not to incriminate myself and reveal who it was that called you all those times. :) This is Old Nasty saying goodnight.

Save the drama for your mama and post!

It has been 7 days since my last posting.

Someone brought a HUGE box of See's Chocolates to my office. OH MY GOODNESS!!! They are so good and I cannot stop eating them. At least today I waited until after 12:00 to have one. Yesterday I started early. I just can't stop. Just when I think I'm done, they pull me back in.

I have been eating the gassiest foods lately: chilli, baked beans, sour kraut...poor, poor Kent.

Today I dressed for Summer. Wishful thinking, I guess. It was cold and so were my toes.

Oh! AND GUESS WHAT!! We're going to go to Festival International de Louisiane this year! Yay!! I absolutely love Festival International. I can get many hours of dancing in..oh so fun. Kellie and Gene, you kids should come in too. It's April 26th -30th.

And one more thing before I go...

Coca, my dog-child, escaped from the hallway one day while we were at work. I thought she'd managed to behave herself and even considered not putting her in the hall during the day anymore. Well, I kept smelling something funky while I was working on a vanity that I'm refinishing. It didn't smell like poop or pee...just funky. So, I finished what I was doing and got ready to go to bed. I reached over to turn off the lamp by the couch and saw that Coca had left a Tootsie Roll on KENT'S BRAND NEW RAIN JACKET! I couldn't help but laugh a little, even though I did feel bad for Kent. I told Kent about it, cleaned it up and went to bed.

A couple of days later, it was raining so Kent brought his rain jacket to work. When he came home , he set it on the floor in the Living room and went in the spare room to do his school work. Soon he heard Coca scratching on something. He walked in the living room and there she was..in her hump-back pooping position leaving a present on his jacket again. Poor, poor Kent, indeed.

It's a Sad Thing

Some of you may know that I'm not very good at household chores. By "not very good" I mean I don't really do them unless someone is coming over. There are some things that are necessary, of course. I clean the bathroom - toilets, tub, etc and I vacuum. I also cook dinner every night and, thankfully, Kent does the dishes (which would be my reason to not cook).

There's one area where I have continuously failed my entire life. Clothes. I don't like to wash them. I don't like to fold them. I don't like to put them away. I just like to wear them and then throw them on the floor. It's been like this for as long as I can remember. As a kid, I would shove them under the bed when I had to clean up. In college I would shove them into laundry bags and suitcases. As a me, now, I shove them into the closet.

Well, I managed to get way, way, way behind on laundry. I hadn't done ANY in about a month and a half. That equals more than 63 pounds of laundry (that's not even all of it - there's still some blankets and sheets). How do I know how much our laundry weighs? Because we broke down and brought it all to a laundry service. AND IT IS AWESOME!!! We drop off the clothes after work one day and then pick them up the next day after work. They do a super job, too! The clothes smell fresh and I've never seen anyone fold so neatly. They even match our stuff up! They put any matching pajama tops and bottoms I have together, they put pants all together, t-shirts all together, tanks all together, towels all together...you get the picture. The best part about it is that their prices are reasonable (for a laundry service anyway - you pay by the pound). Of course, the place is a hole in the wall and I wouldn't go there alone, but no big deal. What's the harm in getting mugged as long as my clothes are clean, right?

Unfortunately, our budget will not allow this type of behavior to continue. So, I've vowed to keep up with the laundry. Colored clothes go directly into the washer now and whites go into a small basket. The other 3 laundry baskets will no longer be used for laundry. So far, so good.

I cannot, however, make any promises about my closet. I think I'll always suffer from closet avalanches and mad searches for the "other shoe" at 8:00 in the morning. It just wouldn't be right if I didn't. Besides, what would I do with all that extra time in the morning not spent looking for my shoe? Eat breakfast at home? That's proposterous!

E-Lazy

I check my email everyday. I'm just not very good at deleting the ones I don't need.

Welcome, Jessica! You have 1523 unread messages:
Inbox(715), Bulk(808)

Shopping List

1. Here's something kind of weird. Actually, I can't decide if it's weird or cool. It's called Jelly Bath (you have to watch the informative video to get the full effect). I am not sure if I'd want to bathe in it or not. I think I would have to take a shower afterward to wash the jelly off. That would be, like, rash city in my armpits if I didn't rinse well.

2. I watched the beginning of The Biggest Loser the other night. It's a new one where the competition is between three or four families of four. They all work in restaurants. In the little intro video they show to introduce each family they talked about how it's a "nibble" here and a "bite" there and they taste things all day long! I worked in a restaurant and never once, not even one time, did I "nibble" food. That's just kind of unusual, I think. Maybe I just never noticed people nibbling though. It sems like that would be against the rules, don't you think?

3. I love Lipton Diet teas. Not the lemon - ack! gag! barf! I absolutle LUH-HUV the Diet Peach tea and the Diet Raspberry tea. Oh, so tasty and the fruitiness covers up the dietness.

4. This is the first time I've watched Beauty and the Geek. It's pretty good so far. I like Joe and Brittany! Go girl and geek!

5. Finally, I have officially met the laziest person on the planet. I don't think she'd step out of the way if a meteor was headed straight for her because it would take too much effort to do so. One day I'm going to throw a rock at her and test my theory.

A product I've had in development

Coming soon to high-end electronics stores everywhere...

Smells Like Shopper Spirit

I had a fabulous time shopping today! I had the day off so I met my mom and Laura at the mall of Louisiana and spent 6 hours shopping. It was wonderful. I got some UH-MAZING deals (one in particular - I got a suit, which is super cute and not at all stuffy looking, for 95% off!). I absolutely love when the clothing seasons change. Stuff gets marked so cheap! It's so exciting for me.

In other news...I'm afraid to walk past the bats during the night. They live at the EJ stadium one block over from our house. So, when the three of us go walking we hear them all sqeaking and it freaks me out. I think they're going to bite my ear when I'm not looking. So I feel like I have to watch the stadium the whole time we're walking past it. They only sqeak when it's dark. I can't wait until the days last longer. Eeeeek!

It's not just the rich and famous who have a life coach.

There are two names that I frequently call my dog, whose real name is Coca Cola (aka Coca). I call her "Cokes" and "Pooch." Sometimes I slip up and accidentally call her "Coach" It ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS makes me laugh because I'm in trouble if she's my coach. I think she'd coach me to pull all inner soles out of all shoes. She'd also make me run stadiums.

Today I was sanding down a vanity that needs to be refinished. Unfortunately I was not wearing my hair in a ponytail and, yes it's true, my hair got caught in the motor of the sander. Fortunately it then shut itself off. I don't know if it has a automatic shut-off method that senses when the user is having an incredibly dumb moment, or what. I pulled my hair out of the sander and all is well now.

I also got the hiccups today. Thank you, Kent. The ONLY WAY I get hiccups is from laughing alot and Kent made me laugh because he laughed really loud in my face. It makes me laugh just thinking about it now (sidenote: my hiccups are absurdly obnoxious and I hate them).

Nite!

Which one really happened?

1. My former boss (from the job I quit in October) called me today. He said the properties did, indeed, sell and they're closing the office (just as I suspected they would, which was one of the many many reasons I quit). He said the new management company asked him to join them and he was calling to ask me to come back and work with him. (Just some background here...When I quit, he said I was the best person he ever worked with and the most honest. Anyway...) It would just be him, me and maintenance guys. I said that I'd need some more details as I began thinking about the fact that it would definitely pay more than my current job. He wanted to meet for lunch next week and discuss it. As I turned it over in my brain while he continued to talk, I remembered what a life of misery I led working for him in the past. I decided to just tell him that I'm happy where I am and I'm not interested in changing jobs for the 3rd time since we moved to N.O. He tried to convince me that it would be a good opportunity and they'd pay me more than I was making when I used to work for him. I stuck to my guns though and told him no, AGAIN. This time I mentioned that I did not want to work in a Satellite office again and that the company I'm with is big into education and promoting from within. I thanked him for considering me and told him that I considered it a complement. I also told him that if I had any friends in N.O. that I could recommend, I would do so. Then we hung up. Done.

2. My former boss (from the job I quit in October) called me today. He said the properties did, indeed, sell and they're closing the office (just as I suspected they would, which was one of the many many reasons I quit). He said the new management company asked him to join them and he was calling to ask me to come back and work with him. (Just some background here...When I quit, he said I was the best person he ever worked with and the most honest. Anyway...) It would just be him, me and maintenance guys. I told him I'd rather work in a dungeon cleaning the toenails of dead men. Then I explained how I dreaded everyday I'd see him and would pretend to be on the phone when he'd walk in the room sometimes so I wouldn't have to talk to him. I then wished him good luck on his life long aspiration of wasting valuable company time and pushing his work off on other people. I also said if I see any suckers I'll send them his way. Then I hung up my phone and smashed it into thousands of pieces, which I flushed down the toilet, so he'd never, ever call me again.

Give me one moment in time

Today I've been reorganizing and de-cluttering our house. At the same time I've been gathering items for a garage sale. I haven't made it to my closet or dresser yet because I know that will be the most difficult. The thing is, the way I remember stuff is by what I was wearing. That may sound shallow, and maybe it is, but that's how I figure out what year it was or how old I was when something happened. It's the thing that sticks out in my memory. So, since my memories are stuffed with all my old clothes if I got rid of them would my memory suddenly become deflated?

Yeah, whatever, it's really not that big of a deal.

The bigger reason I don't want to get rid of clothes is that I will eventually wear them all! When I get rid of something I always miss it. What if I lose weight? I'll need the small clothes. What if I gain weight? I'll need the big clothes. What If spikes grow out of my back? I'll need the t-shirt with holes in the back. Most importantly what if that other striped sock comes back to find his long lost love? I'll need to make sure she's here to greet him.

Someone I don't know

After visiting a friend of Brian's blog and reading a "bathroom etiquette" post, I was so inspired to share a bathroom story of my own:

I was at Trinity Church in Lafayette for a Christmas service. I could hardly make it through the service because I'd just had a big drink before we went there. As soon as it was over I rushed to the bathroom. I opened the door and, unfortunately, ran into someone I knew. It was a lady from Zachary, a notorious talker, whose daughter and husband happened to go to Trinity. I tried to just say hi and move on but of course she wanted to chit chat. Luckily I was able to tear myself away and head into the stall. She, however, continued talking...blah blah blah, whatever. I was already annoyed that she was still talking to me while I was on the potty. I grab some toilet paper and as I look up at the door I notice SHE'S LOOKING AT ME THROUGH THE CRACK BETWEEN THE DOOR AND THE SIDE OF THE STALL!!!! As if talking to me while I'm in the stall wasn't enough she has to watch me through the crack!! It wasn't like she had her eye pressed to the crack or anything. She was standing about 3 feet back but looking at me none the less. So, I came out of the stall and decided polite chit chat was no longer necessary and excused myself from the restroom. Now that's bad bathroom etiquette. What a weirdo.