Dave Berry

I think Dave Berry is very funny. I was a fan of The Dave Berry Show based on the humor of Dave Berry. Unfortunately that show was cancelled (btw...the house in that show is the same house now used on Yes, Dear, as far as I can tell anyway) and I'm forced to read his column when I happen to catch it (we don't get the newspaper) or flip through his books at B&N. I read the following article in The Advocate yesterday although this particular article is several years old. I found it very humourous and enjoyed the comic relief. I hope you like it too:

We're just a few dinosaurs short of a full tank
BY DAVE BARRY
(This classic Dave Barry column was originally published on April 16, 2000.)

If you've been to a gas station lately, you have no doubt been shocked by the prices: $1.67, $1.78, even $1.92. And that's just for Hostess Twinkies. Gas prices are even worse.

Americans are ticked off about this, and with good reason: Our rights are being violated! The First Amendment clearly states: 'In addition to freedom of speech, Americans shall always have low gasoline prices, so they can drive around in `sport utility' vehicles the size of minor planets.''

And don't let any so-called ''economists'' try to tell you that foreigners pay more for gas than we do. Foreigners use metric gasoline, which is sold in foreign units called ''kilometers,'' plus they are paying for it with foreign currencies such as the ''franc,'' the ''lira'' and the ''doubloon.'' So in fact there is no mathematical way to tell WHAT they are paying.

But here in the U.S., we are definitely getting messed over, and the question is: What are we going to do about it? Step one, of course, is to file a class-action lawsuit against the cigarette companies. They have nothing to do with gasoline, but juries really hate them, so we'd probably win several hundred billion dollars.

But that is a short-term answer. To truly solve this problem, we must understand how the oil business works. Like most Americans, you probably think that gasoline comes from the pump at the gas station. Ha ha! What an idiot. In fact, the gasoline comes from tanks located UNDER the gas station.

These tanks are connected to underground pipelines, which carry large oil tankers filled with oil from the Middle East.

But how did the oil get in the Middle East in the first place? To answer that question, we must go back millions of years, to an era that geologists call the Voracious Period, when giant dinosaurs roamed the Earth, eating everything that stood in their path, except for broccoli, which they hated.

And then, one fateful day (Oct. 8), a runaway asteroid, believed by scientists to be nearly twice the diameter of the late Orson Welles, slammed into the Earth and killed the dinosaurs, who by sheer bad luck all happened to be standing right where it landed. The massive impact turned the dinosaurs, via a process called photosynthesis, into oil; this oil was then gradually covered with a layer of sand, which in turn was gradually covered by a layer of people who hate each other, and thus the Middle East was formed.

For many years, the Middle East was content to supply the United States with as much oil as we wanted at fair constitutional prices. But then the
major oil-producing nations -- Saudi Arabia, Iran, Iraq, Kuwait and Texas -- got all snotty and formed an organization called OPEC, which stands for ''North Atlantic Treaty Organization.'' In the 1970s, OPEC decided to raise prices, and soon the United States was caught up in a serious crisis: The Disco Era.

It was horrible. You couldn't go to a bar or wedding reception without being ordered onto the dance floor to learn ``The Hustle.''

At the same time, we also had an oil crisis, which was caused by the fact that every motorist in the United States was determined to keep his or her automobile gas tank completely filled at all times. As soon as your gas gauge dropped from ''Full'' to ''Fifteen-sixteenths,'' you'd rush to a gas station and get in a huge line with hundreds of other motorists who also had nearly full tanks. Also a lot of people, including me, saved on heating oil by buying kerosene space heaters, which enabled us to transform a cold, dank room into a cold, dank room filled with kerosene fumes.

Buying gas and dancing ''The Hustle'' with people who smelled like kerosene: That was the '70s.

So anyway, the oil crisis finally ended, and over time we got rid of our Volkswagen Rabbits and replaced them with Chevrolet Suburbans boasting the same fuel economy as the Pentagon. Now, once again, we find ourselves facing rising gas prices, and the question is: This time, are we going to learn from the past? Are we finally going to get serious about energy conservation?

Of course not! We have the brains of mealworms! So we need to get more oil somehow. As far as I can figure, there's only one practical way to do this.

That's right: We need to clone more dinosaurs. We have the technology, as was shown in two blockbuster scientific movies, ''Jurassic Park'' and ''Jurassic Park Returns with Exactly the Same Plot.'' Once we have the dinosaurs, all we need is an asteroid. Or, if he is available, Michael Moore.

If this plan makes sense to you, double your medication dosage, then write to your congressperson. Do it now! That way you'll be busy when I siphon your tank.

Update on the update

So, now it looks like we are going to try to get into Jefferson Parish tomorrow. The line will probably be insane, but we'll see. I'm just glad we have something to go back to. This trip is just to gather items. We've been told to different things as far as returning for good...could be a week, could be a month. We just don't know yet.

Update

So maybe we won't be going in on Monday. It looks like they just don't have the resources for that yet.

13 out of 41 months of marriage we've lived with other people

Why should that stop now? About 32% of our married life has been spent living with either my parents, Kent's parents, or my grandparents. Now, we are staying with my parents again and soon we'll be headed to Lafayette. As of Tuesday, I'll be working out of our Lafayette office. I'm just so thankful that I'm still getting paid. A lot of people don't have an opportunity to temporarily transfer their job. We're especially blessed to not have to rent a hotel for that time. We have family.



About our house...I'm trying to stay positive. I talked to our landlord yesterday. He told us not to worry about rent this month since we couldn't live there anyway, which is great! That will help make up for the work Kent is missing. The landlord told me he heard from his friend that his house only had an inch of water in the garage. His house is raised like ours. He only lives about a mile closer to the city than us. So, that's good news. He also said that the school that's one street over from us had the roof torn off completely. So, that could mean our area may have had a lot of wind damage. We have a huge old oak tree and a great big pecan tree in our yard...so we'll just have to wait and see. Whatever happens I know we'll be okay and we'll make the best of it. God has not let us down yet and I'm sure he won't start now.

On a sadder note, I found out one of my co-workers had been trapped at his house for 4 days. He hadn't eaten anything. He finally got in touch with me yesterday and said he was on his way to the hospital to get some food. He said he thought he was going to die. The good news is that a team from our corporate office is on its way to Covington (this guy lives on the northshore-Slidell-and one of our buildings is attached to the hospital in Covington) right now with cash, gas and food for him and additional supplies and generators for the hospitals and others.

Brunson's Safe & Lock Co.

Brunson Safe & Lock Co
4137 Plank Rd
BATON ROUGE, LA 70805
Phone: (225) 356-3515

As you all know I'm in property management - the job that never stops. I'm technically still working even though I'm not in the city. Today, I had to copy building keys and overnight them to our main office. Commercial building keys can't just be copied at Wal-Mart or Home Depot. I had to go to a Locksmith. First of all, the keys say "Do Not Duplicate", so I had to explain the whole situation to the Locksmith and thankfully he said okay and copied them anyway. When he finished I held out my debit card and he said that debit cards are not working today. So, Kent and I pulled out our cash to pay him in cash, but he refused to take it. He would not accept our money because we are from New Orleans and he couldn't take it knowing all the problems we have there right now. We tried to insist on paying him, but he simply would not take it. So, Kent shook his hand and we thanked him. Although it wouldn't have broken us to pay for those keys, it was just a small example of the kindness being extended by this city and nieghboring communities to the evacuees from New Orleans.

WHAT??!!!

It's just unreal. Kent and I live in Jefferson Parish. I have no idea what our house looks like now. I get choked up just having read what I'm now posting. The following is from the WWL TV website:

****ALL RESIDENTS ON THE EAST BANK OF ORLEANS AND JEFFERSON REMAINING IN THE METRO AREA ARE BEING TOLD TO EVACUATE AS EFFORTS TO SANDBAG THE LEVEE BREAK HAVE ENDED. THE PUMPS IN THAT AREA ARE EXPECTED TO FAIL SOON AND 9 FEET OF WATER IS EXPECTED IN THE ENTIRE EAST BANK. WITHIN THE NEXT 12-15 HOURS****

The following was posted before the item you just read:
Jeff Parish President. Residents will probably be allowed back in town in a week, with identification only, but only to get essentials and clothing. You will then be asked to leave and not come back for one month.

I'm speechless.

Katrina Shelter - Donations Welcome

The Plains Presbyterian Church in Zachary, LA is opening as a shelter for Katrina refugees. If you have any mattresses, sleeping bags, pillows, towels, diapers or of course food that you'd like to donate. Please deliver to 22929 Old Scenic Hwy. Zachary, LA 70791. Phone: (225) 654-2960.

Hunkering Down

For those of you who may be wondering, Kent and I have evacuated to Z-town. We're here with my dad and mom, Laura, my oma and aunt Suzette. My grandma and grandpa just happened to be in FL so they stayed there. As far as I know Aunt Naomi, Uncle Alan and Crystal have left too. I worked all day Saturday.

The property management business gets pretty hectic with the threat of a major hurricane. I was WAY stressed.

Anyway, we left yesterday around 5:30, so I think we missed the worst of the traffic which is today. I'm so thankful that we have my parents' house to go to as there are no hotels available. I guess we'd have Kent's parents' house as well, if my parents didn't live here Zachary. We'd just have to be on the miserable interstate a little longer. Maybe Kent and I should invest in four-wheeler and ride in on that during evacuations. I bet you'd be moving faster than how fast they're moving on the interstate now.

I guess all we have left to do is to pray for the safety of those who couldn't leave. There are thousands of people in New Orleans who rely solely on public transportation. The superdome is open for them, but I still can't help but feel guilty that I'm here and they're not.

Just Two Good 'Ol Boys

Kent, Laura and I went and saw the Dukes of Hazzard last weekend. I REALLY liked it! Sometimes I don't know what is up with those critics. Two and a half stars...what..Well, maybe it had something to do with the fact that Johnny Knoxville and Jessica Simpson are the worst actors that ever walked the planet. Other than that, it was great. A lot of it was filmed in and around Zachary which was even cooler. If you've seen the movie there's a kitchen that Uncle Jesse and Pauline are in. I took my first art lessons in that house. I could actually see the room I used to work in. Then there's a roadblock that is right next to the spot that I had a booth of my work in Downtown Clinton at the Clinton Street Market. Also, the bait shop is actually at the house of someone we know from Zachary. Very neat. Anyway, I liked the movie too. It was funny and had cool cars.

So I just found the NEATEST website!

Check it out kitties! Maybe I'll actually make friends!

Of Course it doesn't look so bad...

...now. Today's dinner was a force to be reckoned with. I, being the Donna Reed that I am, was hurriedly fixing dinner for my husband tonight because he had to leave for a meeting at 6:05. I am no good rushed. I produce a much higher quality work when I have no time constraints (but do I ever finish anything? No.) So, I decided to make Jambalya. Only I'd bought turkey sausage because it's better for us. Well, you have to thoroughly cook Turkey Sausage in the skillet. Uhg...So I'm following the directions. "Grease skillet...saute' sausage" Sounds easy, right? Yeah...first of all, the sausage looked gross! I don't think I've ever worked with raw sausage and I'm not sure that I will again. GAG! I put a link in the skillet and it immediately started splattering. So much so, that it splattered me on the eyelid with hot grease. So I grab my eye. Right at the same time Coca runs in and I call to Kent "PLEASE GRAB HER, SHE'LL GET BURNED!" In that same instant I knock a serrated knife off of the counter and into my "tallman" toe! The blood actually splattered...which freaked me out at first because I am so not good with blood. Kent ran off to look for a bandaid and I got brave enough to look closely at my toe (normally this would be Kent's or my mom's job. I will lose it if I have to tend to my own bloody injury). I realized it wasn't near as bad as when I dropped the scissors on my toe and decided to clean it up myself. I didn't even get weak while wiping it up. Of course the blood on my toe was like the size of a sunflower seed. Anyway...Kent did get to eat before he went to his meeting, but it was not without a price.

Work

It seemed like a good idea at 7:30 AM...

...turned out - it was just weird. I have a pair of dark red pants that I wear to work. I also have a red purse (that can be switched to a backpack) the exact same color as the pants! Well, in my early morning, first day back from vacation stupor on Monday I decided it would be a good idea to remove the strap from the purse and wear it as a belt. It was not until around 5:30 that evening as I was slouching on the couch that I looked down and began to laugh at how weird it was that I wore a purse strap to work.

Me and mornings - not a good team.

Back to Reality

Well, we're home from the beach trip with my family. It was so wonderful. We had a GRRRREAT time! 9 DAYS IN A ROW OF NOT GOING TO WORK!! It was like a dream come true. No stress, no high heels, no dress clothes, no brushing teeth (okay I did brush every other day), no make up...mostly just no working. I totally do not want to go back tomorrow. I am not ready to be tense again. I will just think about the beach when I get stressed. Anyway, here are some pictures:

Kent's thirsty...
Beachy
Me and my sissy
Phase 10...Love it..
Kent making a kissy face
Beach birdies
WE LOVE THE BEACH!

Poop Stories & Pepsi Commercial

So, I heard from Kent that someone told him that it's just not right without a good poop story (you know who you are). I couldn't agree more! I miss ya!

Has anyone seen this pepsi commerical? I think it is Huh-huh-Huhlarious!

**So, by now, most of you have probably already read this post. I decided to remove the video, so that you wouldn't have to wait for it to load every time you viewed the page. If you have not see the commericial I highly recommend you do so HERE **

Closing in on a record

I am closing in on a personal record. I've never had a job for more than 10 months. It just hasn't worked out. I've been with my current company for what will soon be 9 months. Of course I have a reason why all of the other jobs didn't work out. I now take you on the timeline of unemployment:

Babysit two kids all summer - 5 days 1996- One kid chased me with a cow rib.






YMCA Camp Cullen - Summer 1998 - Job ended, that's it.




Jean Breaux & Associates - Sept. 1998 - May 1999 - I wanted a more fun job for the summer



Lafayette Health Club "Life Guard" - 2 days in May 1999 - Boring





BREC Camp - Counselor - 4 days in June 1999 - Kids drove me crazy



Toy Soldier - Sales - Never showed up for the first day


Talbot's - Sales - 2 Days in november 1999 or 2000 (I can't remember) Told me I didn't dress nice enough


I'm not sure, but I don't think I had another job until I got out of college.


Highland Baptist Christian School - "PE Teacher" August 2001 - May 2002 What was I thinking. I never even liked PE. It really takes a special person to teach and it's not me.

Corky's Barbeque - now that was awesome! Just kidding - 3 months sometime in 2002 Do I really need to give a reason for quitting?

The Hise Company - 10 months (the record) - moved


Current Company...we shall see...

Voodoo...

Who? Me?

Well, today was like any other day...work-lunch-work-home. There was one event that made this day unlike any other I've experienced. I'd gone to lunch as usual and was headed back to the office as usual. I pulled into our office driveway and saw the maintenance engineer getting into his truck. I wasn't going to get out to talk to him because it was raining and I'm allergic to water. However, he kept motioning like he needed to tell me something. So, I stuck my head over the top of my car to see what he wanted. He then asked me, "Did you bring your dog to the office recently?" I said that I had on Saturday for a little while. He then covered his face as if to say "Oh no..." (like the guy on SNL). I said, "Why did she have an accident?" He said, "Uh, yeah." So I asked him where, thinking it was in the back hallway, or the storage area, where we rarely go. "In the boss's office!" Oh great...now I'm in trouble. I rushed inside and much to my disappointment the boss was on the phone. I hurried to my computer and messaged him,  "Are you ready to be mad at me?" No response, so I typed "I brought my dog to the office on Saturday and I think she may have left a surprise in your office." I heard him get off the phone and start walking to my office, I turned as red as a tomato as I heard him turn the corner and I started in on the "I'm so sorries." I was shocked and emabarrassed. He said he'd already called the cleaning company thinking one of them had brought a dog into our office, but was relieved to know it was me. I of course, couldn't quit laughing and apologizing. He laughed it off too and said it was funny more than anything else. I told him I'd go clean it up and he said "no, I'll do it". There was no way I was letting him clean my dogs poop, and I went to clean it up. There they were...two little Coca turds, about the size of the long skinny tootsie rolls. I was totally embarrassed and proceded to explain to my boss how I can never be normal and that it's just fitting that I get a new boss and my dog poos on his office floor!! I told him I wouldn't bring her back any more, but he said he didn't care if I brought her to the office. It really was no problem. He just told me he may leave a surprise under my desk. I told him that would be really wierd since he doesn't have any animals... The thing is, that little turd factory ran into our building about 30 seconds ahead of me. I quickly went in and shut everyone's office doors except mine so she couldn't leave any surprises. She must've shot those out like missles as soon as she got in there. Thanks Coca...way to help your moms get on the boss's good side!

Honk Honk

Tonight Kent and I went to eat dinner at CiCi's Pizza. Those of you in Lafayette, this is actually a good CiCi's Pizza...Really Good! Anyway, their credit card machine was broken so you had to pay cash. Good for us, our bank was just two buildings down. So we decided to walk over there. However, the only ATM they have is a drive up ATM. There were already two cars in line so we went and stood behind them. Of course I was cracking up laughing. Then another car pulled up behind us. This was very, very funny to me. It was like that commercial where the lady pulls up at her kid's school pretending to be in a car and blows an air horn. All we needed was an air horn. I got a good laugh tonight.

I'm outta here!

Coca's cousin, Pixie. She doesn't like kittens.

My Cokes

Well, joy of all joys, Kent and I now have this thing called the internet at home. Very exciting. YIPPEE!

Coca, our pup, is getting bigger all the time. She looks even bigger today because she had a bath and is very fluffy! She recently got a great Summer outfit so I just had to share. So cute, and ready for the beach.




She's spent alot of time hunting wild pigs, as well. She's quite the hunter...


Anyway, that's all I have for now. I'll probably post more pictures now that we've joined the rest of the world in the 21st century.

Nite!

Banasas

Yes, that is what I meant to type...Banasas.

I'm so stressed.

I had a bad day about a week and a half ago. Really, the only thing going right was that I continued to breathe. It was that bad. To top it all off, Kent and I went to my Grandpa and Grandma's for dinner that night. As we were leaving we walked towards my car and Kent says, "Jessica, what happened to your car?" What happened? Not sure...But I do have a big dent in my passenger side front fender. It may have happened during one of the three times in the previous week that people suddenly decided to back-up while driving in front of me. One of them got really close and I layed on the horn, so I thought he missed me. Maybe he didn't. Sometimes I'm so oblivious when I'm driving. Not just when I'm driving I guess. If I have a lot on my mind I tend to space out when doing everyday tasks. I'm okay if I'm talking to someone though.

Anyway, two weeks from tomorrow I'm on VACATION!!!! WOO HOO! I can hardly wait!

Big Brother 6

Every Summer I watch Big Brother. Every Summer there is someone on Big Brother that I cannot stand! This year it's Eric. Ugh! He's awful. Everyone just follows him around like their great and powerful leader. I dislike him for many reasons. Here is a short list:

*He's way to "gung-ho" about everything.
*He's way too much into "teamwork."
*He likes to teach the group a lesson with his enlightening lectures on not making anyone feel bad for losing. (*gag*)
*He's all about loyalty.
*He says things like "NO ONE MESSES WITH MY FAMILY." It's not like someone went and poked your wife in the butt with a needle. Talking about your grandparents will not hurt them.
*He manipulates the house by showing them how "honorable" he is.
*He acts like the King of the house walking around displaying how much better he is than everyone else.
*He makes me want to vomit.

Mostly, he just takes the whole thing way too seriously and I hope he leaves the house soon. It makes me cringe to think that he could win.

Think I watch too much reality TV? Do I take it too seriously as a viewer to actually post about how much I dislike someone on the show? You're right. But, I don't really have anything better to do with no friends in New Orleans and Kent busy with school work.

Why do roaches get on people while they're sleeping?

As many of you may know, New Orleans has some huge roaches. They actually use bucking roaches in rodeos here rather than broncos. I've been thinking about our disgusting brown neighbors a lot lately due to all the rain we've been getting. It has made me recall two roach stories from people I know:

1. *Person* who shall remain nameless, was sleeping in her comfy, cozy bed. All of the sudden she woke up to something sharp poking her in the leg. When she lifted her covers it was a great big flying cocroach!

2. *Person* who shall also remain nameless, woke up to a huge roach on his hand and proceded to fling it across the room!

WHY DO ROACHES GET ON PEOPLE WHILE THEY'RE SLEEPING? Are they looking for crumbs? Do they watch us all day and think, "Just wait till you go to sleep. I'm going to get that little jelly smudge off of your cheek." Maybe they're just mocking us. They know they're hated so the crawl on us just to spite us. Neither of the above stories were about me, but I've been sleeping with tissues in my ears a lot lately, just to make sure nothing takes up residence.

Anyway, just wanted to share some grossness...

Windy Cindy

Well, last night was tropical storm Cindy. Tropical storm - no big deal, right? Yeah, that's what I thought. I found it very hard to sleep though when I heard wind that sounded like a train and random objects slamming up against the house during the night. Thank goodness we have strong walls, I guess. We made it through the night. The Crape Myrtle tree in front of our house right along the fence was struck by lightning and split in half.

Kent's work didn't have power when he got in and my work was an absolute nightmare! I used to like rain until I worked in property management. Why do commercial roofs and windows have such a tendancy to leak? Don't you think they'd be stronger than regular roofs? Water, water every where and all the carpet reeked! Water, water every where in the windows it seeped! We had ceilings falling in, carpet coming up, walls peeling off. Irate tenants, the works. Sometimes I just want to tell them "LEAVE ME ALONE! I AM TIRED!" But, then I wouldn't have a job.

What a day! Two things brightened my day though:
1. I got a way cute blazer at Old Navy for $6.97 and I wore it today. So, every time I saw myself in the mirror it made me happy. I love cheap stuff!
2. I won a free coke in my bottle cap. Mmmmm....coke.


Other than that....not a great day...neither was yesterday. Now, I have painful gas trapped in my stomack. Awesome.

BIG BROTHER STARTS TOMORROW! SO HAPPY, OH SO HAPPY I AM!

June 16th!!!! What??!!

I just realized I haven't posted since June 16th. So, I figured its time. Here's what's been going on:

Today people found my blog by searching for:
"sharks blog Destin"
"Jessica's Hiccups"
and "It's Bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S"

I found out Thursday that I'm being promoted at work. I'm being promoted to Assistant Property Manager. I'm pretty excited. Although, work gets harder every day. I don't know if I have a touch of a stomach virus or if it's just stress, but in addition to my usual gastroinstinal problem (I'll spare you all), I've been making a lot of trips to the potty (well my usual problem increases with stress too). I also have a new boss. With the promotion, I think Kent and I are finally going to break down and get the internet at home. Maybe...

Kent and I are going to Lafayette this weekend to see our new niece. We'll actually get to stay until Monday because of Independence Day. So, that'll be good.

Also, I have had a very gradual birthday. I've been celebrating with different people since Tuesday of last week and the celebration still hasn't ended. I wil still have birthday with my family when I go see them.

In August we will have been living in N.O. for a year. Time sure goes faster and faster. I guess that means that my life just gets better and better. I think it would drag by if I didn't enjoy it.

I saw my first giant New Orleans roach in the house today. It was the size of a three-year-old child and was reading the paper and smoking a cigarette. I was very, very, grossed out, but I mustered up enough courage to hit it with Kent's shoe and then spray it with foam cleaner.

If any of you have every ridden in my car you know it's a health hazard. Every crevis is filled with grossness and pennies are actually stuck by some sticky substance in the arm rests. I have a new "Stop Light Cleaning Program." I have tooth picks, paper towels, bleach spray and a trash bag in the car. Any time the car stops I get to cleaning. It already looks great.

Lately I've been making this sound with my throat because it makes Kent crack up laughing. He says I look like a maniac when I do it. I just like to do it because I get a laugh. Anything for a laugh right?

Finally, our sign vendor came in my office today and I said, "oh, my desk is a wreck. I haven't cleaned it off today." He told me not to worry because his is worse. Now, that must be bad, because my desk always looks like the copier vomitted on it. It made me feel a little better about my crazy desk knowing that someone else's desk was even worse than mine.

Goodnight.

So, I just had to share...

I noticed my counter had reached more than 3,000 visits, so I decided to look at some of my statistics. I thought this was pretty funny, someone found my blog by searching on yahoo for "blues clues is gay". I guess all because I had that post about dressing like blues clues! Funny...

To the tune of the ever-so-popular "Happy Birthday to You"

Happy Birthday to Kent

You mail in the rent

You do all the dish-ezzzzzz

Now make birthday wishes!

(I said NOW)

And many more...
Love yas!

Compelling Evidence

For those of you who don't know, my crazy Kenty's birthday is this Thursday. He'll be 29! Then 11 days later I'll be 26. I can't believe I'll be 26. I can still see my 16th birthday in live action color when I think about it. I don't really stress out about being older. You're only as old as you feel, right? Right. Since I will now be closer to 30 than to 20 (well, actually I've been closer to 30 for the last 6 months) I've decided to compile a list of evidences that I am actually not 26.

I am not 26 years old because...

• I'm scared of the dark
• I can eat just candy for dinner
• I will eat candy before I even roll out of bed in the morning
• I laugh the hardest at a good poot!
• I rent teen movies
• I call my mom "mommy"
• I can still sleep till noon
• My parents give us food when we leave their house
• I love to make prank phone calls
• I dance like a fool
• I don't brush my teeth every day
• I hate to bathe / shower
• I hate going to bed
• I get the giggles on a regular basis
• I fall down (actually onto the ground) like once a month
• I don't like to drink water (ack! I'm partially allergic, just ask Kent)
• I love "Full House"
• I'm not a "grown-up"

So, there you go.

In other news...

Work is crazy right now.

I had to cut all my nails because the kept breaking.

Kent got his hair cut really short.

Jello makes me gag.

Coca is sassy. She talks back to us.

Disclaimer: One of the above listed statments is not true.

The Big Idea: It's real and it's ready to rumble

My newest big idea is for a restaurant. Anyone want to be an investor? I think people would love it!

Other big ideas: (These are just the titles. Of course I can't describe them or they'll get taken. Not that I'll really ever do anything with them anyway)

• Toilet Tent
• Cell Phone / Radio (already done :( I'm too late)
• Baby Bud
• Movin' It

I've just gotta win that power ball to get these ideas in production! Although that's highly unlikely seeing as how I've only bought like one ticket in my life. Anyway, if you know any rich investors, send them my way. :-) I'll be glad to fill their heads with invention and business ideas.

Gamey

So, this Saturday Kent and I are auditioning for the WHEEEEL OOOOF FORTUNE! It will at least be fun to audition even if we don't make it. We have to go to the Wheelmobile at Harrah's.

Speaking of Wheel of Fortune...
Once when I was a kid we had a little family reunion in Columbia, LA, which is near monroe. I heard my aunt tell my mom that she saw Pat Robertson at the hotel. I remember thinking, "Cool! The guy from wheel of fortune!" Years later, when my brain had developed further, I realized that Pat Robertson is not the guy on "Wheel" that would be Pat Sajack.

BTW...Everyone read Kent's blog to hear something funny that happened this weekend!

Tid bits about me:
I have to wear mosquito repellant in the house...
At our old apartment I once killed 27 flies in one day. Then I freaked out...
I came home from work the other day to hear from Kent, "Jessica, I think your pants have a split in the back"...
Coke doesn't taste as good when you drop the can on your toe before you drink it...
A yellow jacket once chased me across the yard. I jumped in the pool. It waited for me and stung me on the back of the neck when I came up for air. Then it got stuck in my hair. As I ripped it out of my hair it stung me on both index fingers.

Oh yeah...

"Big Brother 6" starts on July 7th! Woo Hoo! It may make me a tad bummed though. Back when we were in Lafayette, the friend group would get together and watch it. No more of that though. We're not even all in the same time zone anymore. We'll just have to link all of our cell phones after the show to vent.


I'm also excited about the Martha Stewart Apprentice. I think I would like to be her Apprentice. That would be better than Donald Trump's Apprentice.


I watched "Dancing with the Stars" more appropriately called "Gagging me with a Wooden Spoon." Don't worry you didn't miss anything, except "Mr. Peterman" doing an excellent waltz.


"Trading Spouses: Meet your new mommy" wasn't all that great this week either. Kind of boring. I actually like "Wife Swap" better because it's not continued over 2 weeks. I cannot stand to wait.


"I Want a Famous Face" had a girl trying to look like Posh Spice because she wants to be a hair model. Ambitious.


Unfortunately I missed "Britney and Kevin Chaotic" this week. My week really suffered because of that. I mean how could I even survive without hearing Britney say "what if my nose looked like this" while pushing her nose up like a pig. And creepy Kevin...I may need to see some internet clips to get my fix. Only Fox's new "Prince's of Malibu" could possibly top this one.

Anyway, now you know I'm addicted to reality shows. And I like it.

It's Bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Yeah well, I usually can't stand anything that comes out of Gwen Stefani's mouth, but I cannot get that song out of my head! "Cuz I ain't no holla back girl...."Somebody help me.

Lost

Kent and I watched the first episode of Lost last night. We thought we'd give it a try since everyone seems to be hooked. I'm not so sure I'm hooked. If whatever the giant thing in the jungle is happens to be a dinosaur, I'm definitely not hooked. I am not interested in dinos and humans mixing on an island. That is vulgar! Just kidding. Not vulgar, I don't know why, I'm just not into a dinosaur show.

Kirstin and I went to visit Stacey and Jeremy in Destin last week. It was a lot of fun. I rode in Kirstin's shiny new car. We paid $1,000,000 tolls. That rocked. I have a very burnt chest. Actually now its just itchy. Coca was really excited to see me when I got home. It's like snuggling a wild squirrel really. I am going to post updated pictures by the way.

Oh and Sugarland relatives (I didn't want to give away your real names in case you didn't want me to) I'm excited about ya'll being in town at the end of June. That'll be fun!!

New Orleans is stinkin hot! The humidity is so bad that the doors to our house are swollen! We have to bust in like the cops on SVU everytime we get home! I really just don't know what to do about that. Guess I'll just keep bustin' in until I bust the door down. Then we'll have no doors and that will be fabulous. (not really)

I'M HAVING A BAD DAY

The only thing that is keeping me going is the thought of Raisin' Canes for dinner and being at the beach in less than 48 hours.

Stolen from my Brother's Blog

Name: J.C. (and not Chasez)
Birthday: June 27, 1979
Birthplace: VA
Current Location: La
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Dk. brown
Height 5'4"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage: everything....pirates, horse theives, german, irish, italian spanish...etc
The Shoes You Wore Today: black high heels with rinestone buckles
Your Weakness: my right hand (its injured at the moment)
Your Fears: Supernatural Evil
Your Perfect Pizza: Marie Lavou
oneGoal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: setting a goal
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: Hey
Thoughts First Waking Up: Great...what time is it?
Your Best Physical Feature: my forehead (just kidding - I don't know)
Your Bedtime: 10:30
Your Most Missed Memory: I can only miss a memory if I don't have it anymore, and if I don't have it how can I remember what it is?
Pepsi or Coke: coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: McD's
Single or Group Dates: group
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Gag! Neither
Do you Smoke: nope
Do you Swear: Only when I sing John Micheal Montgomery Songs
Do you Sing: yes....can i sing good....haha thats a whole nother question
Do you Shower Daily: well, no
Have you Been in Love: i am in love with a Kentro
Do you want to go to College: Okay, so I guess this is a highschool survey...
Do you want to get Married: Did
Do you belive in yourself: what believe that I'm real? yes.
Do you get Motion Sickness: only on carousels
Do you think you are Attractive: I'm very attractive to mosquitos, gnats, and dog hair
Are you a Health Freak: I'm a health hazard
Do you get along with your Parents: yes

OKAY THIS WAS TOO LONG, I DECIDED TO CUT IT OFF HERE. MY ATTENTION SPAN IS NOT TOO LONG.

3 Posts in One Week - It's UH-MAYZIN!

I've only had one cavity in my life. It's only by God's sheer grace though, because I am in no way dedicated to oral hygiene. In fact, today has been another "didn't brush my teeth" day. In addition I used to floss only twice a year - right before my dental appointments. For some odd reason I decided to floss one night. We'll much to my dismay, in the midst of my flossing I pulled out my only filling (which I figured out had been cracked a couple of weeks earlier when I bit into a pearl in my gumbo at a restaurant. I still have the pearl.). Now I never, ever floss. (I'm so gross. I really don't know how Kent can handle it) So I had to go to the dentist to get it filled again.

I'm in the dental chair waiting for my Novacain shot and I hadn't had one in a long time, so I wasn't totally positive about how painful it would be. My dentist comes in with the needle and sensing my nervousness tells me, "Don't worry, it'll just feel like a little mosquito bite." He gave me two shots. One in my gums and one in the roof of my mouth. Well I don't know what kind of scary mosquitoes live in his yard, but if I had a mosquito bite me like that you better believe I'd be notifying wildlife and fisheries about a new species. Dentist, if you are reading this maybe you should describe it more like "Don't worry, it'll just feel like your being sliced with a razor on the roof of your mouth and in your gums." LIAR!

Pieces of Freedom: My Summer Plans

I love Summer. It always kind of bums me out that now that I work rather than go to school I don't have Summers off. Even in college I never took Summer school classes. I only worked one Summer and never did that again. It was great. I loved the freedom, the relaxed days - it was awesome.



Last year was my first Summer as a worker. I have to say, it wasn't great. I hated being trapped in my office for 9 hours a day rather than playing.



This Summer is going to be different. It's already started actually. I live very close to where I work, so I go home everyday for lunch. That's something I really enjoy. I go inside and play with Coca. After I take her out to relieve herself I fix myself something to eat. I usually eat my lunch outside in the backyard while Coca plays. It's really great because our backyard is our own little piece of "country" in the city. Its pretty big for New Orleans (Metairie), full of trees - so it's nice and shady, and it's fenced so I don't have to worry about the Cokester running away. We have some kind of fruit tree (I think its lemons), a pecan tree, and two oak trees. There are tons of squirrels. I've seen blue jays, a woodpecker and a cardinal. I'm so thankful we rented this place and not some of the others we looked at. So, I get an hour of Summer freedom everyday! I love it.



Also, I'm planning on going to the beach a few times this year. The first is a girl trip to Florida on Memorial Day weekend. It will be so much fun! I'm very excited!



The second will be with my fam! It will be awesome. I've never missed a family vacation yet and I don't intend to start this year. We usually stay for a week in whatever cool place my mom found on the internet. I'm stoked.



The third is still in the works actually...



Anyway, so that's my Summer. I hate having to go to work (I enjoy my job though), but I can still enjoy my Summer. I hope all of yours are great too!

K vs. J

As most of you who know us know, Kent and I get along exceptionally well. We RARELY argue and I can honestly say we never yell. We are just very compatible with each other and neither of us really freak out about little annoyances. We agree on the "big ones" and don't let the "little ones" bother us. However, there is one topic that we will never agree on. Neither of us are willing to compromise either. Our opinions are set in stone and we will not budge. We've come to accept our differences though. KENT HATES COUNTRY MUSIC AND I LOVE IT! Classic country, new country, 80's country. If its country I will probably like it. Maybe it's because I'm from the country and I like it that way. I know pretty much everyone who reads this blog agrees with Kent, but it doesn't bother me when people make fun of country music. I enjoy it. I enjoy most music. I like little bit of country, oldies, rock, classic rock, pop, hip hop, r&b - not really into opera or classical though and I'm selective on the rap. There are a few bands/artists I cannot stomach; Alice in Chains, Gwen Stefani/No Doubt(except for that song she did with Moby), Creed to name a few. Occasionally I suffer through an Alice in Chains song for Kent and he returns the favor by suffering through an Alan Jackson (one of my ALL-TIME FAVS!) song for me. So, I guess we do compromise in that way. Anyway, now you know our greatest difference.

Karaoke - Pass time of the fun and tasteless

CONGRATS TO MY BRO, DANIEL!
Yesterday my baby brother graduated from high school. We shouted and cheered and then went to his graduation party. Kent and I supplied the Karaoke. After hearing several comments along the lines of, "You don't really think anyone is going to do that?" I was pleased to see the kiddies having a great time karaokeing! (my plan is working). In case you don't know...I L-O-V-E Karaoke. Kent and I started off the night with our rendition of Sweet Home Alabama. It was fun. I'm glad we brought it.

Do I really look like I need one?

One day Kent and I were at the mall. Due to my inability to pay attention to one thing for more than 15 minutes, I had to leave Kent in the music store. So, I went across the way to one of those little stores like "Hi Style" or "Citi Trends." You know, where they have, not-so-high-quality formal gowns and "going out" clothes. I wandered in to look around and the girl working there immediately catches me at the door, she asks "Can I help you with anything?" I say, "No, thanks. I'm just looking." So she responds, "Well, are you looking for a wig because I can help you?" WHAT! Am I looking for a wig? Why oh why would she assume I'm looking for a wig? I mean, I know I'm not exactly one of those people who gets all fixed up to go out somewhere, but really, is it that bad? Did I somehow lose a significant chunk of hair during my walk through the mall? I responded with "uhhhh...no thanks" and left. Of course, I thoroughly checked for any bald spots when I got home. Thankfully, I was still fully covered. I have not gone back in that store again, that or the "death store," but that's a whole other story...

A Good time was had by all...

Memories of Kent's and my first apartment.
I'll never find friends like this again...

New Orleans #1 City for Cars

Yeah, that's right. We were selected as the place your car would want to live if it could talk. What! Do cars secretly love pain? There's a pot hole so big that I go through on my way to church that I'm afraid if I don't go around it the devil, himself, will reach up and grab me. This pothole is so deep it's a direct connection to hell. Not to mention, several cars were recently showered with bullets during two high-powered shootings on I-10 a couple of weeks ago. I later read that one of the factors the results were based on was how much money people invest in car maintenance. Of course we spend a lot of money on our cars. We have to repair them after they CRACK IN HALF! With that said, I really like living here. That's not me being sarcastic. It's real. Hole-y roads, murders and all. I like it A LOT - well Metaire anyway. Y

I'm going to sell my self

Brian, I don't know you, but I read your blog and I got this off of it because I thought it was neat and I wanted to show everyone my results:

I am worth $1,432,000 on HumanForSale.com

Turns out I'm below average. The average woman is worth $1,667,431.00. I'm going to have to get some upgrades.

Drool

I drool like a fool! I've never known anyone besides myself that drools so much in their sleep. I mean, I have to flip my pillow at least once a night because I find myself lying in a pool of drool. When I was in high school and was doing some rarely seen babysitting, I fell asleep while the parents were gone. They woke me up when they got home and I was totally embaressed to find that I'd drooled all over their pretty little couch pillow. It's not just when I sleep though. If I lay my head down, immediatly the drool starts to run out of the side of my mouth. When I yawn, sometimes a big 'ol drool blob drips out of my mouth. In fact, that happened in French class in college once. My book was warped on that page because of it. I often feel like I just have too much saliva. Or maybe I have rabies and I'm actually foaming at the mouth...

Wrestlemania XIV

My sister and her dog, Bear, are visiting this week. So, its like Wrestlemania at our house with the dogs wrestling constantly...
Coca bites bear on the foot....YIPE!
Bear bites Coca on the belly....YIPE!
Coca bites bear on the nose.....YIPE!
Bear sits on Coca's head.....silence.

But, they're fun to watch. Coca has learned to shake hands. It's so cute! Oh, and I know a girl from Guatemala. She asked me this weekend why we named the dog "Coca." I told her its because we love Coca-cola and she's brown. The girl told me that hispanic people often refer to cocaine as Coca. Sweet...now people think we're drug addicts or drug addict wannabes.

Kent and I are finally unpacked. And after only three months. Someone should really give us an award. Procrastinessica strikes again. It's a good thing Laura was coming to visit or we might have never unpacked the spare bedroom. We actually have two boxes left though. One is "stuff used for decorating but don't really know if I want to use it" and one is "stuff I need to file in the filing cabinet."

We only have one bed in the spare bedroom right now. The other is on loan to my Oma for a couple of weeks. When we get it back the place will be open for visitors! Not that anyone who reads this hasn't been to New Orleans a bazillion times but you haven't been to New Orleans while we're living here! It's like a wonderland (okay, not really, but it would be fun to have visitors)!

As a side note...a google is 10 to the 100th power. I learned that in 8th grade and it just came back to me tonight.

AG-O-NY

I have a big 'ol ulcer in my mouth. Its right inside my upper lip. Just perfect for my tooth to hit every so often. Food and drink go right in it and it burns like acid. My tongue is automatically drawn to it. I cannot help but poke the ulcer with my tongue about 1,700 times per day. Will it ever heal, Yo, I don't know.

Next weekend will be my last weekend at our house until June 3rd. That's real special. I'll probably have to volunteer for a medical procedure to pay for the gasoline.

Coca, our precious pup, is scheduled for her surgery on May 20th. I hope she survives. She will probably weigh close to 4 pounds by then. She's getting "fixed." Coca and her cousin, Pixie, are going at the same time. Cousin Bear will still be too young. By the way, I need to get my sister to send me some pictures of Bear so I can post them.

Well, I'm super tired so, goodnight everyone.

A brief glimpse into my eating habits

Chicken skin...I love it. I really don't even like chicken meat very much. I pretty much eat it just to justify eating the skin. Well my mom made cornish hens tonight for dinner. We were eating them at TV trays in the living room because we were watching Oceans Twelve. My mom, knowing how much I love skin, tried to help me out. It was at this point that something happened to Kent that will never be done to most husbands by their mother-in-law. My mom tossed the sheet of chicken skin (sounds gross, but I'm crazy about it) to my plate. She accidentally threw it a little too hard and in slow motion it flew past me and stuck to Kent' s hairy knee. I LAUGHED SO HARD! My mom apologized profusely and explained what she was doing. Fortunately Kent is married to me and is used to weird things like that and he laughed it off. I love my family.

Memories of Griffin Hall...One of the buildings of U L Lafayette

One time I was going up the stairs to the third floor. I was going at a regular speed - not too slow, I thought. Well, aparently I was going just a little to slow for shaved arm, tight shirt, muscle boy. He darted around the side of me and went up. Not two steps ahead of me, he fell down. He looked back at me and said, "Blah bladah blah bla da!" I never knew what he said, but I got a tad bit of satisfaction out of seeing Mr. Hairless hit the steps.

Another time I was waiting for the elevator - kinda lazy that day - when I saw some one dressed in a full donkey costume standing there holding a sign saying "I've been a mule, please forgive me." I guess he was waiting for his girlfriend because some girl ran and hugged him all happy-like. Drama queens...

Finally, I was so tired one day while waiting for my classroom to be open that I sat down in the hallway and layed my head on my booksack. When I woke up people were all around and my face was covered in drool. No wonder no one ever talked to me in my classes.

The time/gas that has passed...

Tax time has come and gone. I mailed the envelope today. Let me just say, Turbo Tax is great. We actually ended up with another credit that we didn't even know we qualified for! I was stoked.

This has been a busy week. I dislike being busy. I don't mind having things to do, but being busy, feeling rushed and tired, having a comittment every night of the week is not for me. A full calendar is my enemy. I think that's why I can't use a day planner. I get overwhelmed if its being used too much. Outside of work I have two comittments - church and small group. That's the way I like it (sort of, ideally I'd only have one comittment, but I can deal with it).

I have 3 ulcers in my mouth this week!
I ran over my toe with a couch and tore off 1/3 of my toenail!

My big plan this week was to drink club soda instead of water because water gives me a stomach ache. Club soda by itself is NAS-TEE! Blagh!

Today was the 2nd time in my life that I pumped gas next to someone who was pumping their gas with the car running.

Delgado college offers a course on how to use a mouse...Click once when your pointer turns to a finger, twice when you're clicking on an icon. Sometimes you can right click for more information...Class dismissed! Thanks for the $110!

I would like Tanna to be the next Apprentice.

Taxes

I know this is kind of wierd, but I'm actually excited about doing our taxes this year. I've really tried to do a good bit of research on the IRS website to find out what we qualify for. I was pleased to learn that we qualify for either the Hope or Lifetime Learning Credits!

Just a bit of information, if you are reading this and you have a child, and you file a tax return, you may want to check this out, if you haven't already done so. Most people probably already know all about the Earned Income Tax Credit, but I just learned about it this year, so I thought I would just throw it out there so no one would miss out.

So far, everyone I've talked to this year about whether they've done their taxes or not, they all have to pay! I hope we don't. It's always fun to get that tax return, even if it's just a little bit.

Well, that's enough about taxes, I think.

Coca didn't cry when I left her today after lunch. I was very happy. I always feel so guilty leaving her.

I went to the Freret Steet Fesitval and Homeownership Fair this weekend. My aunt works for a savings and loan company and she had to work a booth there, so I tagged along. I spent most of the day walking around by myself and listening to the bands play. Well, I happened to be listening to one band when they said "Alright, now we're going to play a waltz! Everyone grab a partner!" So, I put on my grumpiest face hoping no one would talk to or touch me. I was doing a great job, really. BUT WHO COMES AND MAKES ME DANCE WITH THEM! Gumbo the Saints Mascot Dog! And then the big hairy mascot pretended to lick my head! Mascots....they think they think they can do whatever they want...

Eggs...

Kent and I discovered, early on Easter morning, that Zachary does not have an Easter Bunny. They have Easter Squirels. We saw so many squirels in the road in my parents' neighborhood. They had to have been delivering eggs or else why would they all be out there?

Speaking of eggs, I gave my Oma an "Eggstractor" for her birthday. Some of you may have seen this on TV. It looks sort of like an accordian and it peels your eggs for you. It shoots them out of a hole at the bottom. Pretty neat, but definitely takes some practice to get it right.

I really enjoy "As seen on TV" items in case you all haven't noticed

I'm at the library right now. Kent is at the computer in front of me, so I can just see his back. He's doing some work for a presentation at school tomorrow. I just heard him release a deep sigh, must be difficult. I've also heard him tell two different people "God bless you" when they sneezed, and his cell phone rang.

Not to shift subjects here, but the reason we're here in the library is so Kent can use Powerpoint. We were going to buy it for our computer today, but do you know how much that stinkin' program costs??!! Over $200! That's crazy world! No wonder Bill Gates weaves his socks out of dollar bills. However, we can buy the Student/Teacher edition of Microsoft Office that has Powerpoint, Xcel, Word and Outlook for a little cheaper, so maybe next month. Kent uses it every week for church and school.

Shark Tale

Has anyone seen the migrating sharks off the coast of Floriday? Now that is scary! It's really like the TV movie "Spring Break Shark Attack." Experts say sharks usually don't bother humans...usually. I don't think I'll bank on usually. Last year when we were on vacation Kent, Daniel (my brother) and I were out past the first sandbar in the gulf when we saw a big black shadow hanging around us. I got freaked out and climbed up on my raft. They said "oh Jessica, it's just a big mackrel" I accepted that explanation. Then it came back and was lurking about 3 feet past us so I decided it wasn't worth the risk and headed out of there. The next day, on the front page of the newspaper. I see "SHARKS SPOTTED AT BEACH" and the shadow they showed in the water was identical to the one we saw! Yikes. I do like sharks. I think they're really neat. If I ever have enough money and the opportunity I would like to become a certified diver and go down in one of those shark cages. That would be cool...

I can't seem to write a complete thought

I took the day off of work today. It's awesome! Everyone else in my office is working, but not me. YIPEE! So, we went to my parents' house for Easter, but we have to go back early Sunday morning because Kent has to do the music. He really does a great job. :)

Well, we're in Z-town and my sis has a new puppy. She got an American Eskimo. He's already trying to "get to know" my baby dog. I was shocked! I explained to Coca she's much too young for that and she will be getting he operation soon, like within the next month. Poor Cokes....

UPDATE....
The magic bullet rocks! It makes the most wonderful smoothies. And it doesn't leave chunks of ice like a blender would. Plus, what's really cool is that you actually attach the mug you'll drink your smoothie out of to the blade. You blend it in the cup and then when you're done, you screw on this protective lip to cover the "screw on" area. It's great because then I only have one dish to wash. I give this product two thumbs up.

If my ribs were cooked and put on a buffett would I be "All you can eat ribs" for one person? for two people?

A Brief History of Time (well, for the last week anyway)

Today a bird came in my office. I helped it out of the door. It brightened my day seeing that bird up close and personal. Although I was a little worried it would poop on my head.

We have this chair that is really hard to get out of, and if you drop crumbs in it, good luck ever getting them out. The chair shares a motto with a certain famous city..."What happens in that chair, stays in that chair."

Coca has learned to sit! Now we are working on lying down. She's a little confused about that one though. She also knows how to let me know she needs to go outside now. She has one ear that stands up and one floppy ear. It's really really cute! Yesterday she got her final round of puppy shots and can go around other dogs now! YIPPEE! She's very friendly and will be happy about that. Now, if I can only teach her to do the laundry while I'm at work...

One final thought...
I'm really stoked that "Good Day Live" is off the air now.

Goings On...

1. Looking for a couch
2. I love my pup
3. Made my own homemade granola
4. Very tired - pup keeps me awake
5. Posted a very boring post (sorry).
6. Amazing Race tonight
7. Free movie tickets!

Did you ever hear this story?

So, Easter is coming up and therefore so is Good Friday. That has reminded me of a story. It happened one year ago on Good Friday...

I was on my way home from work. My boss had let us off early. I was in a great mood. The sun was shining. I had the radio turned up and the windows down. What a great afternoon...or so I thought. I pull into our driveway, as happy as can be, when I see these little brown things all over outside of the living room window. I thought "What the heck is that?" After pulling up closer I realize that they are bees all over the window, and swarming around the electric box right by the window. I thought, "Well, I'll just make a break for it and run in the door." So, I got out of the car and as I'm running toward the door I realized the bees aren't all over the outside of the window...THEY'RE ON THE INSIDE! HUNDREDS OF BEES! I was totally freaked out. I ran back to my car, locked the doors and called the landlord. What is his response? "Oh, well, do you have somewhere you can stay tonight, because I'm not going to be able to get anyone out there. You can probably wait until night time when the bees calm down and go in to get some clothes." No way...not acceptable. I told him to try to get someone. I tried to call Kent, but no answer. Then I thought I better leave because bees can fly through A/C vents... or so I imagined. So, I went over to Kirstin's. Eventually I got in touch with Kent and warned him not to go in the house, but to meet me at Kirstin's. Eventually that evening the exterminator came and my wonderful Kenty met him there. It turns out it was just a random swarm of bees passing through the area that decided to build a hive in our wall. As the exterminator was leaving he said, "You may hear some buzzing for a few days but don't let it bother you, it's just the leftover bees." Yeah, like it's not going to bother me. Anyway, I never thought we'd actually use the mosquito net hanging over our bed to protect us from bugs, but we did.

Oh memories....Kent used to tell me when we were dating "The weirdest stuff happens to you!" Now, it happens to both of us.

Special Man, Loving Wife & Precious Dog

In case you don't know, I'm kind of silly... so, I from time to time call Kent "Special Man" and in his cell phone I'm listed as "Loving Wife"...we're so corny, but at least we know it. Anyway, Coca is now, "Precious Dog." Precious Dog wore a sweater for the first time the other night. WAY TOO CUTE!! I ALMOST COULDN'T HANDLE IT! She would run around and the little hood would fall over her eyes. It was f-f-f-f-funny! Here's a link to her sweater pics RIGHT HERE.

Also, today is my 2nd favorite day of the week. I woke up in an uncharacteristically good mood this morning (due to some thunderous gas). I was actually laughing at 7AM! That NEVER happens. I am the true opposite of a morning person (would that make me a night thing? Is that the opposite?) I'm like a morning monster. Today will be a good day. It's BEEE-AUTIFUL outside! WOO-HOO!

I did not brush my teeth today. It always makes me a little happier when I know I don't have to brush my teeth because I don't have anything important to do. I love those days.

HELP ME...

I need help...our house is never going to get unpacked. I'm just not motivated. It stresses me out to be there. I just go to the one room that's halfway decent and stay there all night. Organizing is not not not not my strong suit, at least not at home anyway. I'm somewhat organized at work because I have to be. There's usually so much going on at once that I'd never get anything done if I wasn't. Anyway...what a mess. The spare bedroom only has about 3 feet of walking area. I just dig things out as I need them.

On another note...March 15th is Kent's and my 3 year anniversary. Guess who still hasn't ordered their wedding pictures! Guess who's pictures are already paid for! Guess who still hasn't legally changed her name! Guess who never ordered a copy of the marriage license! That's right, Procrastinessica - that's me. If I don't have a deadline, I probably won't get it done.

I'm a crazy unorganized and a procrastinator - how I manage to get anything done is beyond me.

Sweet Dreams

I had a kind of funny dream the other night.

I dreamed that for some reason I had to start riding in a carseat. I was so upset because I was going to be embarrassed when I pulled into the work parking lot driving my car from a carseat. Also, we couldn't afford a new carseat. I had to get a used one. It was gray with a tear in the side. Dreams are so strange...


Now I take you back in time to 1997, when I was a freshman in college...

Gene and Brent always had TONS of snacks in their dorm room.
Kirstin had a microwave under her bed.
My room was always a mess (that hasn't really changed).
Stacey had her name, written in pennies, stuck on the wall over her bed.
We tried on Brittany's clothes when she wasn't in the room.
Kent spoke to me for the first time, "Hey, we have matching overalls!"
Kyle Tousineau would try to tie my shoelaces to a chair without me noticing (didn't work)
Kirstin and I would call 99.9 when they took requests at night with that guy Jason and request "Red, Red Wine"
Stacey got the first symptoms of food poisoning at a donut shop on johnston street. She ended up having to go to the emergency room.
I got swollen lips from being hit in the mouth by a raquet ball.

Next week, sophomore year in college; tales from 1998

Puppy 911 and other life changing stories

So, I took coca for her first vet visit yesterday. It was an EMERGENCY! She was pooping WAY too much. I mean 5 times in one day! Then the next morning 3 times in 3 hours! I was so worried. Good news though, she just has to get used to her food. But I was glad to go to the vet anyway. She's really nice and answered all the questions I had about Coca. I don't think she thought I was crazy. She said I could call anytime with questions. Her name was Jessica too. They also had a girl at the front desk named Jessica.

Today I've spent most of the day playing with the Coca and putting away clothes. I'm soooo bad at unpacking. When I get home from a trip my bag stays packed for a minimum of 1 week, most of the time longer. Now, we've moved into a new place, I think we moved in January 29th, we are still not even close to being unpacked. I'm just now unpacking all of my clothes. Sometimes I wish I was a celebrity and could get someone to do all the unpacking for me. Gag...I hate it.

Exciting News!! Kent's parents gave me a hanging plant for my birthday, which was in june, but it's been at their house since then, because of the move and all of that. Well, I just got it back last week and hung it in the tree right outside of our door. WELL SOMETHING GREAT HAPPENED! A bird built a nest it it! I am so excited. I see the momma bird everyday sitting on her nest. We'll get to see the little birdies when they hatch AND we'll get to see them learn how to fly! I'm just so happy everytime I walk out of the door and see her in the plant. Spring is coming soon!

I'm about to go pick up Kenter from the library and go to wal-mart and the dollar tree. I'm going to print some pics of Coca for my desk. (I'm such a goofy girl).

I've been kind of slow at posting lately because Kent and I do not have internet yet. We will have it after we see what our first electric bill is like. Oi....budgets...

Some of my Favorite Songs

Mr. Roboto
Styx

The Good Stuff
Kenny Chesney

100 Years
Five for Fighting

Suspicious Minds
Elvis Presley

Come Monday
Jimmy Buffett

Drive
Alan Jackson

Leavin' Las Vegas
Sheryl Crow

Livin' on a Prayer
Bon Jovi

Your Smilin' Face
James Taylor

It's a girl!

Here's a first look at the newest member of our family!

Coca-Cola Caperton, better known as "Coca." She's a Long-Haired Chihuahua puppy. Born on December 29, 2004, Coca weighs 1.75 lbs right now, but will grow up to be about 5 or 6 lbs.


We're very excited to finally get her!


I've been wanting a dog for a LOOOOONG time!


Cousin Pixie, a short-haired Chihuahua.


Coca and Pixie meet for the first time. Pixie showed Coca how to walk on a leash today!


Hot tub time!






I LOVE HER!

Valentine for My Car

Oh my car you've taken me so far
You're a winner, you're my star
Silver and dirty with hubcabs only on one side
You do your job, you still take me for a ride
Your visors are broken and live in the back seat
Your mats are stained from my dirty feet
Sometimes you don't start because you're not able
But all I have to do is tickle your battery cable
You drink oil like you've never had a drink before
If you burn it, don't worry, I'll just add more
Remember the beans that spilled in the back seat
Some beans still remain others we tried to eat
How about the girl that vomited on you
As I cleaned your carpets, I gagged too
I'm sorry that I let you get so dirty and black
But you never holler or give me any flack
You listen to the continuous singing it's like a concert
I'm truly sorry if you have ears and I make them hurt
Our latest adventure together was the stop sign incident
You remained calm, that's the way it should be, isn't it
You take me where I need to go everyday
A true friend, in everyway

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, CAR!

(I'm bored.)

Awesome.

Kent and I are different in many, many ways. One of those ways is our tastes in music. However, once in a while we'll have one of those rare moments where our musical paths cross and we procede to belt out a song together like we're giving our farewell concert to thousands of adoring fans. The following song is one of those special ones. Picture it...Kent's driving, I'm blabbing on about whatever because I tend to blab on, radio is down low because sometimes loud music stresses me out. All of the sudden... that familiar bass line "bwa-ah bwa-ah bwa bwa bwa-ah"...One look at each other...The volume goes up...and LOOK OUT! IT'S CONCERT TIME!:

Livin' On A Prayer

J. Bon Jovi, R. Sambora, D. Child

Once upon a time

Not so long ago

Tommy used to work on the docks

Union's been on strike

He's down on his luck...it's tough, so tough

Gina works the diner all day

Working for her man, she brings home her pay

For love - for love

She says: We've got to hold on to what we've got

'Cause it doesn't make a differenceIf we make it or not

We've got each other and that's a lot

For love - we'll give it a shot

We're half way there

Livin' on a prayer

Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear

Livin' on a prayer

Tommy got his six string in hock

Now he's holding in what he used

To make it talk - so tough, it's tough

Gina dreams of running away

When she cries in the night

Tommy whispers: Baby it's okay, someday

We've got to hold on to what we've got

'Cause it doesn't make a difference

If we make it or not

We've got each other and that's a lot

For love - we'll give it a shot

We're half way there

Livin' on a prayer

Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear

Livin' on a prayer

We've got to hold on ready or not

You live for the fight when it's all that you've got

We're half way there

Livin' on a prayer

Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear

Livin' on a prayer

Thank you everyone! GOODNIGHT!

Don't say it if you don't mean it you silly geese!

Friday....January 21, 2005...8:23 PM
This is an actual event at an actual Blockbuster.

Blockbuster Employee: "Is this all for you?"
Kent: "Yes."
Blockbuster Employee: "Have you heard about our no more late fees?"
Kent: "Yes, we have."
Blockbuster Employee: "Okay, that'll be $10.46. You have a late fee of $5.23. Would you like to take care of that now?"

Apparently the "No more late fees" policy starts after the Capertons walk out of the door.

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There's a show that comes on TV called Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. On USA network they have a commercial that has the characters sitting in empty rooms, looking all serious & tough saying, "These are true stories, real stories" "Real people."

At the end of the show every time they have a statement that all stories are completely fictitious and not based on any facts.

Someone is mixed up.

We just figured out Blues Clues

Today I was dressed like the host of "Blue's Clues."
Green striped shirt, khaki pants and brown shoes.
I have to say it's rare that I like a kids show.
I didn't watch it after Steve left though.
Steve's in college, replaced by his "brother."
Some said he was dead, he was checked on by his mother.
All of that hoopla was just a rumor.
Good thing he has a sense of humor.
This is Steve and this is what he wore.
Maybe I should think about my mental health a little more.